30 Life Lessons by 30

Last week I celebrated my 30th birthday, but since we are living during covid times the milestone was a bit more muted than it would have been if times were normal (To clarify, I am not in any way complaining. My birthday was great, filled with love, well wishes, books, delicious sushi, and bubbles!). That being said, I still wanted to celebrate my 30th birthday in a special way, and the only way I knew how to honor this milestone was through writing. So as the day passed by, I jotted down a list of 30 life lessons in my journal, reflecting on the girl I was in my twenties, recognizing her flaws, growth, and how she ended up here at the cusp of a new decade. Over dinner, I read the list to my husband who suggested I share the list with others. So since I haven't blogged in forever, I may as well break the streak with this post.

(in no particular order)

1. Perfection is a pipe dream. Acceptance is not.

I can't tell you how many times I have chased the idea of perfection. The perfect body. The perfect day. The perfect story. The perfect life. The perfect partner. The list goes on and on, and do you want to know what all the chasing led to? Nothing! Except exhaustion. By the end of it, I was miserable and constantly disappointed by my impractical expectations. Once I started accepting things for what they are, however, did I finally feel free from the chase. Now, I accept my body. I accept the days--even if they aren't good (because they can't all be). I accept the stories I write as a work in progress (because that's how they get better). I accept my life because it is m i n e to live. And I accept my partner because I love them, so why would I try and change them into an idea instead of respecting them as an individual person?

2. The finish line is death.

Finish school. Finish the task. Finish the job. It seems like we are always rushing to finish in order to get to the next possible thing. Instead of enjoying the journey or the process, we rush through it, eyes on an imagined future instead of taking in the present and the gift that it is. But if we keep rushing and finishing instead of enjoying it as we go, we will find ourselves at the true finish line: death. As bleak as it sounds, that’s where we are all headed. Death is finishing. So let’s take a deep breath and stop rushing to meet our end.

I have memories of myself frantically finishing manuscripts. Sending query letters before getting feedback on my letter. I blew many chances being in a hurry instead of taking the time to make my work at its best. Looking back, I wish I could have slowed down. I wish I focused on writing the best possible story instead of thinking about who would like it.

3. There is no deadline to success.

I used to think that in order to be successful I had to obtain success at a young age. If I didn’t, I was irrelevant, my talent expired. This idea embedded its way into my mind because social media always hypes up young people in their twenties selling tech companies or landing huge book deals making them seem like the norm when they are really the outliers. But if I examine the people I aspire to be like, I find that I admire their work, not what age they found success. So if you need to hear it, like I often do: There is no deadline to success.

4. Goals are a compass.

It’s good to have life goals. It means we are living with intention. Sometimes we might not make a goal (yet), but it doesn’t mean we aren’t steering our ship in the right direction.

Twenty-year-old me thought I would land a book deal by 30. I didn’t, but following this goal/dream led to a lot of learning and bettering myself. It led me to make choices that allowed me to level up in my craft. So no, there’s no book deal (yet), but I learned a lot about the business side of publishing, I made great writing friends/critique partners, and I put my work out there. Most of all, I never allowed myself to give up. Right now I can’t see beyond the horizon, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make land soon.

5. Detours are a requirement to reach the destination.

In continuation of point 4, sometimes in life you take a detour. Maybe life blows too much wind in your sails. Maybe you fell asleep at the helm. Whatever it may be, good or bad, sometimes detours become necessary to reach the destination. Sometimes the detours in life force you to grow or gain new skills to get you on the right course. I didn’t think I would be married with kids at 30, but here I am taking a break from writing! But this detour makes the journey even more worthwhile. My boys have taught me so much about life. About character. They give what I’m pursuing much more meaning.

6. Wealth is nothing but health.

Self-explanatory. Don’t work yourselves to the bone, okay? It’s just not worth it.

7. Beauty is made of the heart, mind, and soul. Not how much you weigh or how you look.

We live in a weight and instagram-image obsessed world. So much emphasis on outward appearance instead of what matters on the inside. I ask you to notice your thoughts. How many times are you speaking negatively to yourself? Now think of how much time and brain space those kinds of thoughts take a toll on you. The people around you really don’t care about your weight (unless it poses a health risk) or if you put on makeup today. So you shouldn’t either. Beautiful people to me are those who are authentic. And authenticity comes from being true to your heart, honest with your mind, and being connected to your soul. Authentic people know themselves and their worth. Do you?

8. People won't like you, and you won't like some people, but you should like yourself.

After all, you spend the most time with yourself. So do yourself a favor, and stop being hard on yourself (see point 7). Change the thought patterns and build yourself UP instead of tearing yourself DOWN. The critics in your life will do that for you, so reinforce your ‘confidence’ walls.

9. Self-awareness is your ticket out of the comparison game.

When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, ask yourself why you have the thought in the first place. Is it truly something you believe? Or have you inherited society or social media's point of view instead of carving your own?

10. Go deep. Only then will you know when to take that leap of faith.

You all know that feeling. You’re at a crossroads in life and need to make a decision. A big decision with ripple effects. Do you take the risk? How do you know when to take that leap of faith? My answer: dig deep. Really know yourself and know what you want out of life. If the decision can get you closer, take the leap. You won’t regret taking a shot at what you want, but the hard part isn’t making the decision. It’s figuring out what you want.

11. The best kind of person you can be is a k i n d person.

Honestly, nice people make my day. A barista asking me about my day. Someone giving me great customer service. Someone acknowledging my frustration. If everyone was nice to each other, the world would be more pleasant. As a mom, I’m trying to raise my kids to be kind. They can grow up to be whoever they want to be as long as they are kind in the process.

12. Maturity is owning your mistakes and learning from them.

If you don’t, you’ll make the same mistakes over and over and get stuck in a feedback loop. You can’t expect life to change if you don’t change. So mature and grow.

13. Apologies curb the ego.

If you owe someone an apology, give it. Saying sorry is not a sign of weakness, but strength. People who avoid saying sorry to save face or feed their ego only hurt themselves. Feed your ego too much and it’ll take over your personality. Do you want to be egotistical? Or do you want to be you?

14. The best friendships are timeless. You pick up where you left off.

I’ve had a lot of friends come and go, but the ones I really treasure are the low maintenance ones. Always there for one another. Always a good time. Those are the true friendship goals. Months can go by since we’ve heard from each other, but there’s never any resentment because if I need them, I’ll call. And if they need me, they’ll reach out.

15. The most impactful teachers in your life are your children.

Becoming a parent has taught me so much about myself, but also about life. How to be patient. How to be loving. How to not sweat the small stuff. How to be present. How to edit life down to the essentials. They have forced me to define what truly matters in life.

16. The traumas in your life do not define you as a person, but they do show you what you're made of.

I once had an agent tell me she thought she could sell a book of mine if I wrote about my hard times as an adolescent. After my first book on sub didn't sell, I went into the writing cave and tried to heed her advice because I was desperate to sell something. The process, however, was painful. Every word written was like reliving the bad moments in my life, but I kept going convinced if someone read it, they would be comforted and less alone if they knew my 'story'. But the cost of someone else's comfort at the expense of mine no longer seemed like a fair exchange (even if it landed me a deal which was no guarantee). And then, there was the thought of me being defined by this story, and I realized I didn't want that. I did not want the traumas of my life to define me. I didn't want to be a 'story'. I wanted people to see me beyond what I've been through. See me for my actions and for my art.

In the end, I put the story aside. The bad times showed me what I was made of, but I didn't need to make a 'show' out of them.

17. It's okay to experience negative emotions. Not okay to put them on someone else.

The older I get, the more I realize people have a hard time dealing with negative emotions. They either take it out on vices, repress it, or lash out on those closest to them. I've learned the best way to deal with negative emotions is to simply let it ride. Ride the wave. It'll end. In the meantime, please don't drown others in it.

18. Perspective is the lens of which life is lived.

If you think life sucks, then it does. If you paint yourself a victim, you become one. If you think life will get better. It will. If you see life as a gift, it can be. What's possible is determined by your perspective. Pay attention to your thoughts.

19. Purpose + Growth = A Meaningful Life

We all want to matter. We all want to leave a mark on the world. Finding your purpose, pursuing it, and continuing to grow gives meaning to life. If you don't know what your purpose is, experiment and search for it. That is part of the process. You can have one, or you can have many. Just find it (them) and do something about it (them).

I use to put all my self-worth in writing. I wanted success. I wanted to matter. I wanted to live up to people’s expectations but also my own. It took me awhile to see that publishing (my idea of success) is completely out of my hands. The act of writing isn’t. So when I write, I try my best at it (even if it never sees the light of day) because that is true success. Getting up day in and day out doing what you love and expecting nothing in return. That’s true love. And love (whether through art or for the people in my life) gives me purpose and adds meaning to my life every day.

20. Spiritual World > Material World

The more emphasis you put on physical things, the more weight you place on your mind.

After having kids, I got into minimalism. I was suddenly overwhelmed with so much stuff. Baby stuff. My stuff. Home stuff. So much to organize. So much to take care of, and yet my house was cluttered and so was my mind. I couldn't work creatively. Instead of spending time with my kids or writing, I was constantly taking care of the stuff (putting it away, organizing, cleaning, shoving things into closets and drawers so I wouldn't have to deal with it). Do yourself a favor and get rid of things you don't like (responsibly, of course!). If the world ever ends, the last thing you’ll be thinking about is your stuff!

21. Harmony.

As in keep the harmony within the family. I have to credit my husband with this life lesson. He observed in many asian families everyone seemed to put the idea of 'family' above the individual 'self' and so when members came together it was a joyous and harmonious occasion. Observing my family, I've realized he's right. Sure, members of my family fight, but we always resolve it before it's time to come together. We make decisions based on the greater good of the family. The idea of harmony is one I carry with me when I think of our own expanding family and friendships. The more harmony there is, the more cooperative people become, and when I think of the divisive world we live in, the more I believe harmony is necessary in solving huge problems (like climate change!).

22. Eyes on your own paper.

Remember during grade school how teachers would tell you to keep your eyes on your own paper during test time? Well, this applies in real life. Stop focusing on how other people are doing. It'll only fill you with doubt. Focus on yourself and what you are doing instead.

For a while, I found myself concerned about the latest book deals, who in the writing community landed an agent, who was getting the best marketing. Suffice it to say I got zero work done. All I gained was more self- doubt. Instead of writing, I was questioning my abilities. It was such a huge waste of time. I should have been focusing on how I could be better, not how I should be better than someone else.

23. Life is work.

My mom once told me life is work. At the time, I thought, How depressing, but as I've grown older I finally see the wisdom in her words. Everything is work. Relationships. Marriage. Parenting. Career. Sometimes the work comes easy, sometimes it's hard, but everything is work. Sometimes we need a vacation or rest to recharge, but life is work so maybe it's time we stop giving work a bad connotation. Work can be a good thing. It's our stamp on the world. Our legacy. So the question begs to be answered, What is your life's work?

24. Leave the to-do list full.

I'm a to-do list gal. I always try to cross off items on my list and yet the list never empties. Why? Because life keeps going. It's constant. Things come up. There are things to do. So the next time you see your to-do list, don't feel overwhelmed. It just shows you are living life and getting sh*t done, but it’s also okay to leave it full.

25. No one cares about your failures.

All we focus on are our failures. We are afraid people will see us as failures. But the truth is no one cares. The only people cataloguing our failures are us. So if no one cares, maybe we should stop caring, too.

26. Simple pleasures are to be enjoyed every day.

Life is not lived through milestone days but the everyday. Sure we remember our wedding day, the day we turned 21, the day we birthed a child, or made our dreams come true, but these are only a small percentage of our lives. As for the rest, we may not remember them, but we should still try to fill them with joy. To do so, I make sure I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. A latte, some tea, a glass of wine at dinner, a nice walk in the sun, reading a chapter of a book, a deep conversation with a loved one. You may not remember these days distinctly as a birthday, but it can really make the day. It makes a good life. So don't focus on the day. Focus on the days.

27. Punishment is cruel. Forgive yourself and move on.

I thought I was the only one who punished myself, but I find a lot of people do so by being hard on themselves. It took me a long time to stop the habit, to forgive myself, and to move on, but I’m starting to realize it’s really important for mental health. So if you’re like me and you need someone to give you a permission slip to stop punishing yourself, here it is.

28. Moving doesn't move you away from life's problems. That's why it's called baggage.

It's so enticing isn't it? Go to a new place. Start over. Become someone new. Except there is no starting over in life. Face your problems head on and learn from it so that it doesn't follow you everywhere you go like a shadow over your head.

29. Try to put on someone else's shoes.

Only then will you learn empathy and compassion. A way to learn this is actually reading more fiction books written in first person, memoirs, or having deep conversations with people who don't need to put up their guard around you. Ask people their story, but most of all listen if they share it with you.

30. The grass is not greener on the other side, and all that glitters is not gold.

When my book was on sub another writer with a similar story landed a book deal. I had a feeling my manuscript wouldn't sell after that. And it didn't. As the years passed by, I couldn't help but think the other writer had it made. She was living the dream. My dream. But after a while she started writing about her publishing experience. How she couldn't earn back her advance. How she was only seen as a niche writer. That even though she made it, she never felt secure. And whenever I read her words or looked at her instagram posts, all I saw was an unhappy person. The saying, The grass is not greener on the other side, and all that glitters is not gold immediately ran through my mind, but only then did it click. We always imagine reaching our dreams, but not about what comes after. It was a good lesson for me to learn. Now, at 30, I know much more about publishing, the writing craft, and how following your dreams can be like getting your heart broken a million times, but also like falling in love all over again. The beauty is in the attempt.

Well, there you have it. My 30 life lessons by 30 list. My twenties was all about finding myself and learning. Going into my thirties, I know who I am. I know what I want. What I'm willing to tolerate, and what I won't. I am a much happier version of myself, but I still have a long way to grow.

Cheers to turning 30!

Behind the scenes: 2018 NVA finalist & the gender reveal!

When I first moved to Seattle and my sister came to visit me, we decided to see a fortune teller for fun off Broadway in Capitol Hill. I'll admit, I sometimes go once a year to get my fortune told. I don't know if I believe in them one hundred percent, but when I get good news, I like to think it manifests itself into reality.

Anyway, this particular reading occurred in the summer of 2014, and the only reason I remember it is because the fortune teller told me, Writing for you, goes hand in hand with your love life. I took that to mean that if my relationship was good, so would my writing be. Who knows if it's true, but my young twenty-something self had recently moved to Seattle for love, and I was one year into seriously writing novel-length works with the intent for publication. Back then I had been naive. I thought I could make a three-year plan to be published, and I would be financially stable enough to quit my day job. I'm shaking my head at my past self as I write this. Oh, how I wish I could have warned my past self just how difficult that would be. That's not to say it can't happen--because it has for the fortunate few, but I am not so fortunate. And the reality is, most authors still have a full-time job in addition to their writing contracts.

The whole point of going to the fortune teller though was for me to ask if I would make it into PitchWars, to which I got the vague reply, Writing will be a long journey, but when your door opens, it will happen very fast. Suffice it to say, I did not get in that year, and my relationship with Michael was still relatively new. After that summer though, I stopped thinking about that fortune, until things started to line up.

In 2015, Michael and I went to Vietnam with my family. During this trip he asked my mom for my hand in marriage. When we came home from that trip, I started working on a manuscript inspired by that trip. That was the year I got into PitchWars and Michael proposed. For a moment, it looked like things were getting serious! Writing and relationship-wise!

In 2016 we booked the venue for our wedding, and I also got my first agent. Finally, I thought. Something is happening! During this year, I wedding planned and also went on submission for the first time. All the while, I waited thinking, This is it. My door is opening!

Except it didn't. The rejections came in, and my writing confidence took a hit which showed in my other works. I started to doubt myself and my ability. Then my 3-year plan was up.

In 2017, I got married, but then my agent and I parted ways amicably. I felt like a complete and utter failure. I felt like I'd failed everyone whoever believed in me, and then eventually, I stopped believing in myself.

I took a long break from writing after that. I thought of doing something else for awhile. Maybe I should learn to code? Maybe I should become a sommelier? Maybe I should focus more on my career! Looking back, I know that my hesitation to pursue my dream came out of fear. I didn't want to admit I failed on my dream.

But with the push of writing friends, I decided to try again. It's only failure if you stop, right? Except when I tried, I was faced with rejection yet again (Seriously, miss fortune lady. Where is this door? And why won't it open?). 

Then I saw the New Visions Award contest, and I thought, why not? I liked the imprint's mission, and it became more important for me to want to share my story with readers then to simply be published. I also wanted to give an old manuscript one more shot before putting it in my trunk forever. So I submitted, and retreated to drafting once more.

In 2018, I got pregnant. And then the beginning of my second trimester I found out I was a finalist for the award. I didn't win, but I was finalist, which meant, I wasn't outright rejected. I was in the top five, after feeling like the past five years of writing amounted to what seemed like nothing. After years of rejection and setbacks, I didn't realize at first just how monumental or how much this affected me until I received an encouraging e-mail from an editor.

Sometimes, you just need encouragement from someone who isn't family or friend who sees something in your work for you to realize, Hey, I've improved over the course of my journey. Which means I can only get better if I keep at it. And if I do, maybe a door will finally appear.

So sure, being a finalist was a small victory, but one I needed.

I have no idea whether or not the fortune lady will be right, but that's really besides the point. As long as I believe in myself then eventually some door--wherever it may be--will open. Only because I won't stop pounding on it until someone let's me in.

There will be no more 3 or 5 year plans for me. Only a lifelong dream.

Now, I'm about to dive into a cool writing opportunity this summer which may or may not come to anything. But I'm excited to tackle it just because opportunities in the writing world don't come up every often. Hopefully I'll rise to the occasion, but if I don't, that's okay too as long as I try my best, because I know I'll grow and learn from the experience (which I consider a win). To do so, I'll have to put drafting The Gilded Cage on hold, but I plan to get back to it soon.

On another life-related note, I'm having a baby boy. We revealed the gender to the family on Mother's Day, and my heart is full of warmth and happiness for my family and in-laws from all the support we've been given. My son is already loved by everyone, and we haven't even had the pleasure of meeting yet!

The fortune lady was right about one thing though: writing and love goes hand in hand for me because the act of writing is the best way I know how to express my love.

TONE IT UP TOUR - SEATTLE

Ahhhhh! The TIU Tour came to Seattle last week, and I am so happy that I got to attend! As my #tiuhubby knows, I'm kind of obsessed with all things Tone It Up, so it was no surprise that when tickets came out, I bought them ASAP and splurged for the VIP. Luckily, I have a husband who supports my TIU addiction :P

So lo and behold the day finally came for the first ever tour! I got to meet up with some badass babes, flowed with Corepower yoga, got my ass kicked by Jillian Michaels, and sweated it out with Katrina & Karena. The day was filled with awesome empowering vibes, rose, and newfound friendships. And of course, a huge dose of inspiration and motivation. I always leave the TIU events on a high. It's obvious I'll be forever in love with this community <3

It's been almost a year since I joined Tone It Up and lately I've been thinking about how it's affected me:

• I have been consistent in working out this past year (and bright and early in the mornings no less)!
• I've learned to bake with protein powder. Not a big feat, but it's a pretty cool to healthify some baked treats once in a while.
• I've fallen in love with smoothies and salads! I've always been a green smoothie lover, but now I've incorporated protein and super food powders to the mix, so I feel like I'm become a smoothie wizard! Before Tone It UP, I was a salad twice a week kind of girl, but now I seem to want them 5-7 days a week.
• Even though physically I haven't changed much, I feel less soft and my fitness has improved.
• I find that I can be brave and show up at an event without knowing anyone. I used to be super self-conscious meeting new people, probably because I always had some kind of network or friends to do things with, but when you move to a new place, you're forced to start over. For my first year in Seattle, I was afraid to do just that, but I found that TIU has helped me embrace being open with others.
• It's brought my sister and I closer. My TIU membership was a pre-wedding gift from my sister to help me get in shape for my wedding. She ended up joining too after seeing how much I enjoyed it that we recently made our LA trip TIU themed!
• I am kinder and more accepting of myself. I used to be really negative about myself and my body. I would never ever body shame another woman because I think of all woman as beautiful in their own right, but when it came to myself I had no problem dissing and dismantling my self-esteem. In a way, I've found some inner peace with myself (though of I'm not immune to having those difficult days; I'll just counteract them with positive vibes).

As I go into me second year of TIU, I know that what's finally blossoming within me, will slowly, but surely be reflected on the outside.

As always, thank you K&K.

The Big 30.

Last month, Michael hit a milestone. The big three-oh! And over the past couple of months leading up to it, I was hard at work planning a surprise party for him! But man, oh man, was it difficult keeping it all a secret when I usually tell him everything. Thankfully, I was able to keep my big mouth shut and pull it off.

To start off the special day, I had 30 little blue envelopes for him to open throughout the day filled with surprises, destinations, and presents, ultimately leading to the surprise party.

So in case you're wondering why I've been so MIA in July, now you know why! I've been too busy celebrating old hubby ;)

A huge thanks to Michael's sister and mom for helping me pull it off, Bottlehouse for the awesome food, wine, and event space, and also our family and friends who came from near and far to celebrate!

A Quarter of a Century

This past Saturday was my 25th Birthday. I am now a quarter of a century and I can't believe it. I was never one to celebrate aging. I've always wanted to stay young, stay a teen forever (you can tell I write Young Adult, right?). I'm not sure why I do. Maybe because everything is always so new, exhilarating, and exciting when you're that young. Or maybe because I feel accomplished if I meet my goals at a young age. All stupid thinking, really, but my do the years pass quickly. 

I remember how I've spent my birthday every year from age 14 to 25. This year, I tried to celebrate not just the milestone of 25, but the whole of my life. Because life is too short, and even if I can't be young forever, I feel blessed to have lived another year. And the next year is never a guarantee, so it's time to start celebrating.

So this year, Michael and I flew to Palm Desert to visit his rents and to celebrate my birthday with his family. Next year, I'll fly home to Sacramento and celebrate with my family. As you can tell, I absolutely love California. You can take the girl out of California, but you can't take California out of the girl. I love the heat. The sun. The fresh produce. I love it all.

I started my morning with a run then went to lunch with Michael's mother and sister. Afterwards, Michael took me around to Old Town La Quinta to check out the shops. They had this awesome nitrogen ice cream shop that I loved. So, so, so creamy.

After we checked out the local wine bar before heading back to the house to meet the rest of his family before dinner.

Since Michael's sister and I are only three days apart with our birthdays we went out to Lavender Bistro for dinner to celebrate with everyone. Everything was great! The ambiance, the company, the drinks, the food, and of course, the dessert!

Do you remember how you spent your last birthday? What do you look forward to on your special day? Comment below :)

Two Years, Chopped Hair, Urgent Care, SCBWI, Shelving M3 = Roller Coaster Week

Hi friends,

I have so much to catch you up on. This week has been a stressful roller coaster ride. It started off on a good note. I celebrated my 2 year anniversary with Michael by recreating our first date (it's now become a tradition of ours).

To see how it unfolded last year and how our relationship began, click here.

He surprised me greatly by getting me a guitar and I, him, with a symbolic ring he's always wanted.

I don't have a good singing voice, nor am I skilled in music, but growing up music became a part of my life. I played flute for three years, piano for two, and learned some chords on the guitar by my ex-boyfriend in high school and it stuck through college. I was never really that good though, but I enjoyed putting simple melodies together and writing lyrics, but when I moved to Seattle, I literally gave away all my belongings, including my guitar and put it in the past. So it was very thoughtful that Michael had thought to give me a piece of California, and a creative part of me back.

What a wonderful way to start the week!

But unfortunately, work has been pretty busy, and I found myself pretty stressed with all that I needed to do, not just in my work life, but personal and writing life as well. I was overwhelmed by all the stuff I had to do and the non-progress in M3. It drove me insane. Why couldn't I get this story out as I did M2? Was life really so busy and chaotic that I couldn't handle it all? Would I have to give something up?

This overwhelming feeling festered within me, and I had hoped that maybe the SCBWI conference this weekend would give me some sort of direction in my writing life. As for the work and personal, I would just have to trudge through it. So I rush ordered my business cards and put on my can-do attitude.

But my attitude about work didn't change. I'm the kind of person that likes to get my stuff done so when software issues or last minute changes come my way, it ruffles my feathers a bit. But I had planned it out and I would finish my project by Friday.

On Thursday I had a haircut scheduled during my lunch break. I was long overdue for one, and had planned to keep my length and get my split ends trimmed, but when I sat in the salon chair, that overwhelming feeling came over me again. The reflection in the mirror looked so haggard, so sloppy, so stressed. "Just chop it all off," I told my stylist, not wanting another worry, no how matter infinitesimal it was.

And so she did.

With the weight from my hair off me, I was starting to feel better. More refreshed. I could handle the three facets of my life. Surely I could. I was a new woman now!

And then that night I got sick. A severe allergy attack. I couldn't sleep all night. And come morning, I wasn't any better. I was worse. I called in sick to work. I would not finish my project. That devastated me. Like I said, I pride myself in getting my work done, especially when I made promises to meet certain deadlines. Then I broke out into a fever. I started crying. Whatever this illness was, it didn't seem likely that I would be able to make it out to dinner that night with a friend and to a writer's networking cocktail hour like I had planned. Would I even be well enough to make it to the SCBWI conference the next day?

When Michael got home from work he took me to urgent care. Turns out my severe allergy attack turned into a sinus infection. I'd never had a sinus infection before so this pain was new to me and unbearable. The doctor prescribed me a nasal spray along with some other suggested OTC drugs. I went home, followed the directions, but didn't feel any better. I tossed and turned all night, getting snippets of sleep, and improved enough that I could rally myself and go to the conference.

I'll make another lengthier post about my experience as a first time conference attendee, but long story short, it made me realize that M3 needed to be put on pause. Perhaps I was overthinking it which stunted my progress. Or maybe I had fallen out of love with it after taking too many breaks with traveling and moving. Or maybe, M3 wasn't ready to be written and wasn't fully yet realized. Maybe it's one of those stories that takes years to cook, a story that I'll come back to, adding some spice, adjusting the taste, until I get it just right.

For now, M3 will be shelved, and I'm moving onto my next idea. 

It's been a roller coaster week filled with many ups and downs, twists, and turns. I was never one for roller coasters so I'm kind of glad to be off the ride now. I think it's time to leave the amusement park and get back to the steady humdrum of life.

Have you ever had a roller coaster kind of week? Comment below!

Yours truly,

Michelle

24th Birthday Thank You's, Hommage, and the Purple Balloons

A very big thank you to everyone who sent me kind birthday wishes via mailed cards, e-mail, text, phone calls, social media, blog comments, and in person throughout this past week. It meant the world to me and made my day brighter! So bright, it stopped the endless rain streak that was plaguing the Seattle area. Hello sun!

If you know me well, you know I have this aversion to getting older. I obsess about time and I like the idea about being young forever. Peter Pan syndrome for sure. Of course, everyone likes to remind me that I am still young, even at 24. And if yesterday was any hint at what the rest of my 24th year would be like, then I guess it isn't so bad.

 

Of course, like a responsible grown up, I went to work and was surprised to find my cube decorated with purple balloons and cards waiting for me to open. Another co-worker was also kind enough to take me out for coffee. These small acts of kindness and well wishes made work a little bit fun for once ;)

After work I grabbed my balloons and cards in a cheery spirit and went down to the parking garage. I placed all my birthday souvenirs into the back seat, and drove towards Seattle. Lo and behold the sun was freaking shining! This is a very big deal because it's been nonstop grey and raining, and I distinctly remember the bad weather on my Birthday last year. So thinking the Birthday gods were in my favor, I had this brilliant idea to open my sun roof.

The balloons went crazy from the suction. Leaping from the backseat to the front, reaching for escape, they blocked my field of vision just as I was going downhill during traffic hour. I flipped out, reaching for them, hoping to reign them in so I could shut this stupid sun roof. I managed to get my hands on two of them but the third busted free from the car taking my birthday cards with it. Shaken, I drove the rest of the way to Seattle with one hand on the wheel, and the other restraining the balloons. Once I got to my first stop light, I grabbed a pen from my purse and popped the rest of the balloons.

After that, I was pretty bummed. I have a thing for cards and I wanted to add them to my keepsake box, and I really wanted to show my cat the balloons (he's never seen one and I thought it would be a good brain stimulus for him). All was not lost though. At least I would definitely remember this day as the Birthday where I almost crashed from purple balloons. When I recounted this story to Michael, he shook his head, a hint of a smile on his lips, and said, "Only this kind of stuff would happen to you. Now you know, balloons should go in the trunk."

Ha! Like I'd ever put myself in a balloon situation again!

For dinner, Michael spoiled me by taking me to my favorite Seattle restaurant, Hommage, formerly known as The Book Bindery. I've mentioned it numerous times on my blog, but without photos. This post, however, be prepared to drool from my delicious meal! No, but really. This place is amazing. French Nouveau cuisine made by Chef Nico Borzee, it never ceases to amaze me how inventive these classic dishes can be. Beautifully prepared, engaging all the senses, it's like a glimpse into foodie heaven.

We started with the Chataigne, a chestnut soup with a foie gras custard, and burnt onion oil, served in this cute jar. It was really neat because the components were layered, and you could feel the cool layer of the custard and the warm chestnut soup puree. The burnt onion oil was also a really unique touch.

Next was the Trompette de la Mort, black trumpet mushrooms, goat cheese panna cotta, with a mushroom jus. What a savory, creamy, and decadent bite it was. I could eat bowls and bowls of this stuff.

The Carrotte, carrots braised in hay, rabbit jus, and bethmale goat milk cheese was just as good. With such different components that harmonized in such a surprising way, ordinary carrots became extraordinary.

For our mains, we shared the Saumon, cold-smoked kind salmon, with a 35-minute poached egg on a vodka crème fraiche, and the stuffed quail on a thinly sliced gratin. Words cannot describe how delicious they were. They left me speechless.

Everything went well with the bottle of French Pinot Noir. It was such a memorable meal.

To finish we had the tres leches for dessert and cheered with some brut rose. 24 never felt so fabulous!

So thank you to everyone! Just all your birthday wishes leading up to the day and throughout made me feel so loved and the gifts were just absolutely thoughtful. I am truly blessed and count my lucky stars for the fortunate life I have. It's made me realize that birthday's aren't about getting older or wiser, it's about celebrating another year of life. Not everyone is so fortunate to reach a certain age or grow up healthy and happy, so I am truly thankful for another year and for everyone that's come into my life. My encounters with you all have made me who I am and have shaped the life I live today.

My thanks and well wishes to you all <3