Two Years, Chopped Hair, Urgent Care, SCBWI, Shelving M3 = Roller Coaster Week

Hi friends,

I have so much to catch you up on. This week has been a stressful roller coaster ride. It started off on a good note. I celebrated my 2 year anniversary with Michael by recreating our first date (it's now become a tradition of ours).

To see how it unfolded last year and how our relationship began, click here.

He surprised me greatly by getting me a guitar and I, him, with a symbolic ring he's always wanted.

I don't have a good singing voice, nor am I skilled in music, but growing up music became a part of my life. I played flute for three years, piano for two, and learned some chords on the guitar by my ex-boyfriend in high school and it stuck through college. I was never really that good though, but I enjoyed putting simple melodies together and writing lyrics, but when I moved to Seattle, I literally gave away all my belongings, including my guitar and put it in the past. So it was very thoughtful that Michael had thought to give me a piece of California, and a creative part of me back.

What a wonderful way to start the week!

But unfortunately, work has been pretty busy, and I found myself pretty stressed with all that I needed to do, not just in my work life, but personal and writing life as well. I was overwhelmed by all the stuff I had to do and the non-progress in M3. It drove me insane. Why couldn't I get this story out as I did M2? Was life really so busy and chaotic that I couldn't handle it all? Would I have to give something up?

This overwhelming feeling festered within me, and I had hoped that maybe the SCBWI conference this weekend would give me some sort of direction in my writing life. As for the work and personal, I would just have to trudge through it. So I rush ordered my business cards and put on my can-do attitude.

But my attitude about work didn't change. I'm the kind of person that likes to get my stuff done so when software issues or last minute changes come my way, it ruffles my feathers a bit. But I had planned it out and I would finish my project by Friday.

On Thursday I had a haircut scheduled during my lunch break. I was long overdue for one, and had planned to keep my length and get my split ends trimmed, but when I sat in the salon chair, that overwhelming feeling came over me again. The reflection in the mirror looked so haggard, so sloppy, so stressed. "Just chop it all off," I told my stylist, not wanting another worry, no how matter infinitesimal it was.

And so she did.

With the weight from my hair off me, I was starting to feel better. More refreshed. I could handle the three facets of my life. Surely I could. I was a new woman now!

And then that night I got sick. A severe allergy attack. I couldn't sleep all night. And come morning, I wasn't any better. I was worse. I called in sick to work. I would not finish my project. That devastated me. Like I said, I pride myself in getting my work done, especially when I made promises to meet certain deadlines. Then I broke out into a fever. I started crying. Whatever this illness was, it didn't seem likely that I would be able to make it out to dinner that night with a friend and to a writer's networking cocktail hour like I had planned. Would I even be well enough to make it to the SCBWI conference the next day?

When Michael got home from work he took me to urgent care. Turns out my severe allergy attack turned into a sinus infection. I'd never had a sinus infection before so this pain was new to me and unbearable. The doctor prescribed me a nasal spray along with some other suggested OTC drugs. I went home, followed the directions, but didn't feel any better. I tossed and turned all night, getting snippets of sleep, and improved enough that I could rally myself and go to the conference.

I'll make another lengthier post about my experience as a first time conference attendee, but long story short, it made me realize that M3 needed to be put on pause. Perhaps I was overthinking it which stunted my progress. Or maybe I had fallen out of love with it after taking too many breaks with traveling and moving. Or maybe, M3 wasn't ready to be written and wasn't fully yet realized. Maybe it's one of those stories that takes years to cook, a story that I'll come back to, adding some spice, adjusting the taste, until I get it just right.

For now, M3 will be shelved, and I'm moving onto my next idea. 

It's been a roller coaster week filled with many ups and downs, twists, and turns. I was never one for roller coasters so I'm kind of glad to be off the ride now. I think it's time to leave the amusement park and get back to the steady humdrum of life.

Have you ever had a roller coaster kind of week? Comment below!

Yours truly,

Michelle

Asia Vacation 2015: Day 3

Onto Day 3. Wednesday, February 11th, was an interesting one. We were off to another ceremony (there are a lot of those around the holiday!), but this time we were visiting my grandfather on my father's side. I'm not sure what I expected, having been there before, but it was eye opening.

The first time we went over in 2009, it was just my grandfather, his son (my uncle) and daughter (my aunt). This time around, there were these little kids there! Not related to me whatsoever, they took to my sisters and I quickly. Or perhaps it was our cameras they took to since they just loved taking pictures.

Either way, we were enamored by them. But it only took some time and eavesdropping on the conversation from the adults to pick out the unfortunate upbringing of these little bundles of happiness.

There was this six-year-old girl, bright as the sun with such an enigmatic smile. It's hard to think that she had an abusive father. She and her mother left him, but those type of memories are something you can't ever run away from.

Then there was this little guy. Only three, he was quiet, shy, and polite, but loved to hold hands. And yet his father didn't want him. Rather he left him and his mother and took up a new wife and child. Replacing them like broken dishes.

Even my own aunt, had a disabled full grown son. He couldn't walk. Couldn't speak. Spending his days at home. He would never see the rest of his country. He would never see any other part of the world. He wouldn't even get to see a movie in a theater.

It's difficult after learning their stories not to notice the difficult cards life had dealt them. Tiny, skinny, with scabby feet, they didn't come from a wealthy family, but a hardworking one. And yet, a hardworking one may not be able to provide them with the opportunities to build a better future.

It's definitely something that hits close to home. As a child with a single immigrant parent, I knew it wasn't an easy task to make ends meet. Yet in a country of opportunity, there's always the chance to rise above. But in a country devastated by war, with the majority of families low income, the odds for them are stacked even higher.

These are things we already know, but not something we encounter on a everyday basis. So when you come across kids like these, you can't help but feel for them. You want to help, but sometimes help can only go so far.

It's encounters like these that really humble a person. I found myself that night counting my lucky stars that I was blessed with a loving family and a courageous mother who conquered land and sea to a place where we could grow to our full potential. Though we were not rich, we were rich in love, and memories.

That night at my grandpa's house on my mom's side, I took comfort that though I wasn't fortunate to see our extended family on a daily basis, I would take these few days to heart. It's in the limited time you have with people and even the day-to-day menial things that really are the best. Like roasting clams on the sidewalk and eating skewered shrimp. The small snippets in time where you are completely yourself and bare, enjoying the moment.

Asia Vacation 2015: Day 2

The 2009 Da Nang was quiet, small, and neighborhoody to 18 year-old me. The 2015 Da Nang, however, is bustling with growing towers, touristy resorts, and wait a minute... an amusement park? Oh my, how much the city has grown over the years!

The amusement park isn't technically in the city, but about a 25 minute drive up the mountains. Upon arrival it seemed small, but let me tell you, it was huge! So huge we didn't even see the whole thing that day.

After buying tickets in town, we drove up to this resort where a cable car was stationed that would take us up to Ba Na Hills. The cable car ride was long, and I'm glad it was because there was so many beautiful sights to see and take in despite the overcast!

When we got to the first landing we immediately went to the temples. With the cloudy fog it was like stepping into some sort of huge film set. Really neat views that kind of made it all surreal. Over and over, I kept thinking in my head, am I really in Vietnam?

After the temples, we headed to the large gardens and I was struck by how much it reminded me of my time in Paris. Paris was where I was used to seeing such gardens, not here! But I guess I shouldn't be surprised since there's already so much influence from the French colonization.

After the gardens we took a another short cable car up higher in the mountains to the amusement park. You could not miss the European influence here!

After walking around and checking out the place, we ducked in doors and rode rides and played our hearts out! If you're ever in the area, I recommend making this a stop. You could just walk for hours and hours here. Even farther up the mountain there were more sites to see, but we were uber tired and called it a day. We headed back to my grandpa's for dinner then to our hotel and called it a night.

I jumped off a cliff.

Dear Readers,

I jumped off a cliff for the first time. Don't worry, I'm still alive. My ear just hurts.

Yours truly,

Michelle

Alright, maybe I am a tad bit exaggerating, but hey, it was a big moment for me.

Last Saturday after Kristen and Noah's wedding, a group of us went whitewater rafting in the River Columbia Gorge, nesteled right in between Oregon and Washington. Never before that day had I rafted. Sure I had a little interest in doing it someday, but to be honest, I am a very poor swimmer. Like if you tossed me into an eight foot deep pool, I'd probably drown. Nonetheless everyone was super encouraging and I tightened my life jacket so tight I could hardly breathe. As long as I stayed in the raft, I would be fine. Right?

Josh, Me, and Michael in our wet suits.

After a few minutes in the river getting splashed with icy cold water, I thought, this isn't so bad. Then they made us get out of the raft and onto this high bank. They said we were taking a 'nature walk,' but let me tell you, if you fell off the side of the cliff during the nature walk, it wouldn't be pretty. It was completely understandable of course, seeing as the fall was a high category 5 and dangerous for us to ride. So one of the guides tied the rafts together and went down it himself.

Now we had to get back to the raft but we were on a sixteen foot cliff and he was below in the water. The guide with us on our nature walk told us we could either jump off the cliff and swim to the raft, or take the long windy 'nature walk' down (which was basically holding onto a rope and lowering yourself. It was equally scary). Being the water wuss that I was, I wanted to take the walk down, but everyone else was jumping off the cliff and being so supportive that I caved in to peer pressure. But I am glad I did because I am so PROUD of myself. I took the huge leap and jumped into the water. It wasn't very graceful and was super loud sounding because it hurt, but I did it.

The only bad thing? After the raft trip my ears were painfully water logged. Because I'm not a swimmer, I didn't understand the pain. It just felt so painful I wanted to cry. I spent the whole night blow drying my ears, hoping on one foot trying to get the water out, and laying on my sides hoping gravity would take it out. My hearing was a bit dulled the next few days, but I think it has finally passed.

Also, I didn't take any photos, but the next day we ate at Pok Pok in Portland at Josh's suggestion. It was the most amazing and authentic thai food I've eaver eaten. So do yourself a favor and go eat there the next time you're in Portland.

Stickin' to it and finishing.

I'm really bad at sticking to one thing and doing it well. I think I get bored easily or maybe I always get excited about something else that I forget about everything else entirely. For example:

Piano? 2 years. Flute? 3 years. Volleyball? 6 years. Soccer? 4 years. Vegan? 30 days. Vegetarian? Approximately 90 days? Pescatarian? 1 year. Competitive running? 1.5 years. Guitar? 5 years. Hot Yoga? 3 months. Boxing? 2 months.

What does this have to do with anything Michelle?

Well, because I have a difficult time staying passionate about one thing, it makes it really difficult for me to finish anything. And this is a real big problem because writing a novel takes commitment and time.

I wrote the first and second draft of M2 in like 5 months. But when it came to draft three I finished 2/3 of it in a month, and then just stopped writing for two months. I crashed and burned. I was just falling out of love with the story and feeling burnt out. And the more distance I put between myself and finishing draft three, the more anxious I was starting to become about getting back to it.

Source: caffeineglaore (tumblr)

I binge read to cope, but in the back of my mind all I kept thinking about is whether or not I'd finish.

Then my YA workshop class ended. I had been using the class as an excuse for not writing, but now that it finished I really had no excuses, did I? Work was finally starting to slow down, and now I had three-day weekends for the summer. If I was going to finish, this was the time to do it.

So I settled my hiney down and finished the last third of draft 3 in a week.

Let me repeat that: one friggin week.

All this time I was so anxious and worked up when really it would just take a week. Draft three isn't perfect and what not, but the point is I finished it. It really put into perspective for me that finishing something isn't so scary. That it's possible to finish things as long as you keep trudging forward. And that sometimes a break (like a crash and burn) is needed to get you right back where you left off.

It really just makes me want to laugh that I was so worked up about it. Anyone ever feel that way?

Marriage Isn't For You

I read the article Marriage Isn't For You sometime last night. It had such a good message to it that I found myself thinking about it today. I decided to share it on my blog, because

 

1) I think everyone should read it,

2) it gives a refreshing perspective on love, and

3) I'm such a hopeless romantic that I'm a sucker for this kind of thing.

 

So, enjoy!

 

That is all.