Writing Hiatus

So I'm drawing near the time I first started writing M2. M2 was my most serious committed project. I was committed to M1, but as I drew near the last quarter of M1 I knew it just wouldn't work out. Though I loved the story, my writing capabilities lacked the skill to push that manuscript to its full potential.

Now, I'm about halfway through M3. It has been extremely slow going and difficult to write. I have a lot of ideas about where I want M3 to go, but it's hard for me to organize my thoughts clearly. M3 is loosely inspired by my time in high school in college and the friends that have come and gone and the issues we had dealt with. Thus, M3 is more of an issues/coming-of-age story which I've come to learn is harder to write than paranormal or fantasy. At least, for me it is.

Thus I am starting to miss M2 like crazy. I love this story to pieces and I want so much to go on and write the next book and the next to M2. But I know I shouldn't. If M2 ever gets picked up (and I hope it does), there would probably be major editorial changes that may change the course of the series.

So inbetween projects and wants and desires, I've found myself in a writing hiatus. Since I haven't been getting much progress on M3, I've been journaling, binge tv watching, and reading whatever I can get my hands on.

 

Despite my distractions, I feel disociated, like I've lost something. A part of me is itching to go back to M2 and tweak some more and add some scenes, but I can't decide if it would be more damaging then helpful. Alas, I will ponder on this some more and will continue to be positive about writing.

 

This will just be a small bump in the long and windy road.

Fourth Revision Readthrough

I love Debbie Ridpath's comics. I feel like the one above completely relates to me this week. I've spent the last three days rereading my whole manuscript from start to finish while Blaire just stares at me. I printed all the pages, and started marking it up like crazy (though I used a blue pen instead of red, because red just looks so mean, doesn't it? Or is that just me?) and now I'm in the process of making the changes on my manuscript on my laptop. I still have to write another chapter or two to fill in a gap I noticed, but I think it will be ready for me to send out to another batch of beta readers this weekend.

But boy am I exhausted... Even as I write this post, while sipping my morning coffee, I feel so dead. This week has just been a rollercoaster. Rereading my manuscript just makes me doubt so much that I can't tell if my story is even good anymore since I've been working on it so much. Thank goodness for beta readers.

I just need to remind myself to presevere. I'm way in too deep to be stopping now.

Winter to Summer Writing Progress

This was me writing and taking a shameless selfie during the Winter. I had just finished the first draft of M2 and was working on the second. I didn't let anyone read a single page.

This was me this weekend. It's summer. Draft three is done. It is finally being read and critiqued.

And now, I am one third done with my fourth draft revisions. Draft Four. Can you believe it? I've taken many breaks and felt like giving up in these past eight months, so I've written this post to remind myself of this great feat I am undertaking and to encourage myself to keep going.

I've heard some writers say that you have to learn to love the process of writing to be a writer, and I'm trying to do just that. It's not about the end game. It's about the words, the characters, and their story.

Stickin' to it and finishing.

I'm really bad at sticking to one thing and doing it well. I think I get bored easily or maybe I always get excited about something else that I forget about everything else entirely. For example:

Piano? 2 years. Flute? 3 years. Volleyball? 6 years. Soccer? 4 years. Vegan? 30 days. Vegetarian? Approximately 90 days? Pescatarian? 1 year. Competitive running? 1.5 years. Guitar? 5 years. Hot Yoga? 3 months. Boxing? 2 months.

What does this have to do with anything Michelle?

Well, because I have a difficult time staying passionate about one thing, it makes it really difficult for me to finish anything. And this is a real big problem because writing a novel takes commitment and time.

I wrote the first and second draft of M2 in like 5 months. But when it came to draft three I finished 2/3 of it in a month, and then just stopped writing for two months. I crashed and burned. I was just falling out of love with the story and feeling burnt out. And the more distance I put between myself and finishing draft three, the more anxious I was starting to become about getting back to it.

Source: caffeineglaore (tumblr)

I binge read to cope, but in the back of my mind all I kept thinking about is whether or not I'd finish.

Then my YA workshop class ended. I had been using the class as an excuse for not writing, but now that it finished I really had no excuses, did I? Work was finally starting to slow down, and now I had three-day weekends for the summer. If I was going to finish, this was the time to do it.

So I settled my hiney down and finished the last third of draft 3 in a week.

Let me repeat that: one friggin week.

All this time I was so anxious and worked up when really it would just take a week. Draft three isn't perfect and what not, but the point is I finished it. It really put into perspective for me that finishing something isn't so scary. That it's possible to finish things as long as you keep trudging forward. And that sometimes a break (like a crash and burn) is needed to get you right back where you left off.

It really just makes me want to laugh that I was so worked up about it. Anyone ever feel that way?

This Week

1. Michael and I watched a penis documentary on Netflix called 'Unhung Hero.' It was actually really interesting.

2. I'm currently addicted to CNN's Crimes of the Century (also on Netflix).

3. I reconnected with a close college friend and couldn't be more thankful for our friendship.

4. Reading through my November 2012 - February 2013 journal, when I was 21 and finishing my last two quarters of University, to get some perspective.

5. Yesterday, Michael pointed out that there's not enough Blaire photos on my blog, to which I replied, "I don't want to be a crazy cat blogger." Nonetheless, here are some more photos of the Blaire Bear.

 

 

6. Though we said we would lay off sushi for awhile, Michael and I are having our date night at Tamura tonight (It's just so damn good!).

7. Starting next week I'm working 4 ten hour shifts so I can get Fridays off for the summer, whooo! Friday = writing date with my manuscript at the cafe

8. Yesterday during my YA Workshop, we talked about publishing, and I don't know why, but I get so giddy thinking about it (though it'll be awhile until that time comes).

9. Today is Friday and there will be Sun in Seattle this weekend :)

Red Mind, Red Velvet

My mind as of this moment is red. Not Taylor swift red, head-achy red where I close my eyes and see red. Ow. Perhaps it's due to gluing my eyes to screens: phone screen, laptop screen, work computer screen, kindle screen, tv screens then repeat. Not to self, keep eyes away from screens if possible.

On the topic of red, belove is a photo of a red velvet cake I devoured on Friday night with Michael and his friend Matt. It was delicious, but I've realized that I've been eating a tad too many desserts! But it was our first time at Kingfish Cafe, which did not disappoint. I don't normally eat southern food, so it was definitely amazing letting loose with some chicken wings, fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, and some collard greens. My mouth is still salivating and that's a lot of chicken I ate in one night.

My weekend was pretty productive writing-wise. I hammered away on my second draft that I feel very burnt out today and my mind is somewhat a mush. It's really crazy how not much of the first draft is kept in the second. It's like writing a new story, but not, since it's just rewriting the clearer version of the original story. Does that make sense? Perhaps not since my brain is red achy.

Oh yeah, and that Seahawks won their championship game which is pretty cool. Not really into football, but it's nice to see work and the city decked out in blue and green.

Hoping you all have a good Monday that isn't so red :P