You always remember your first love. Your first love opens up this great possibility of love that you never could have fathomed without experiencing it first hand. Your first love teaches you about yourself and how to be selfless. How to care for another's happiness more than your own.
For once, things are finally brighter, more colorful, more clear, and you hold onto this clarity hoping it's not some temporary high, but something everlasting...
Then the honeymoon phase passes, things get tough, and you have to decide whether to stick it out or go out in search of something more (whatever 'more' is). So you decide on the latter, and now the first love becomes a measuring stick for anyone else that comes after, until.... until what? You find 'the one'?
For me, this can be applied to writing. My first completed manuscript was like a first love to me. I was enamored by the story, the process, the characters. I look back at it fondly, thinking of the happy moments (disregarding the horrible writer's blocks inbetween) and wonder, will I get that again?
I'm facing a difficult decision with my current WIP. Should I run with what I have right now? Or change it? Knowing that if I do, I may change the whole undercurrent of the story. And if so, are the changes necessary to what I want to accomplish? Decisions, decisions. Why is it the ones that come after your first love always seem like more trouble and less romantic?
I remember the boy that came after my first love. He had curly brown hair that I thought was the cutest thing, but what really looked like a large soppy mop. He had an air of confidence that pulled me in, only because I, myself, at the time lacked it. There was no chase. Rather, I gave in to the easiness of it all. He was a rebound. And I think he knew it.
It was easy between us because we weren't serious. But when it's all fun and games without any depth to it whatsoever, you realize that the relationship becomes meaningless.
Is that what my current WIP will be? Meaningless? I hope not.
Boyfriend number two after my first love was the complete opposite. He was oh so serious, to a capital S. We were two broken people at the time, and I believe he wanted to fix the issues within him by fixing me. No surprise, it became a toxic relationship and I crumbled under the pressure. I was not the girl he envisioned and as much as it hurt, I had to walk away.
Sometimes I have this impulse of walking away from my current WIP just because it's so serious. Since it touches on a personal issue, sometimes I fear my mind can snap back to what it once was that I forget how far it has come now.
How do you feel about your current WIP compared to your past ones?
This blog post was in participation of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group! Big thanks to this month's co-hosts: Chemist Ken, Suzanne Sapseed, and Shannon Lawrence!
