Bookish Feels: The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas

The Book: Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Khalil was unarmed.

Soon afterward, his death is a national headline. Some are calling him a thug, maybe even a drug dealer and a gangbanger. Protesters are taking to the streets in Khalil's name. Some cops and the local drug lord try to intimidate Starr and her family. What everyone wants to know is: what really went down that night? And the only person alive who can answer that is Starr.

But what Starr does or does not say could upend her community. It could also endanger her life. (From Goodreads)

My Feels: I had the pleasure of reading this beauty last week, and I'm so glad I did. The best word to sum up this book: relevant. As in this is so relevant to our times I wish everyone would read it. We've heard a lot about #ownvoices and the need for it, but I don't think the urgency really clicked with me until I read this book. Once I got to the end and was able to digest this as a whole, I found myself wishing there was something like this for me as a teenager.

This made me think a lot about our current society, the connection and understanding I have with POC, but it also awakened this deep sadness within me. Why don't people see that racial comments are hurtful? Why do they see it as humorous? Has society normalized it as so? It's frustrating. Like really frustrating. Especially being a POC and deemed 'sensitive' when I bring up my concerns on this. I won't go into a further rant, but I do want to say that this is the kind of book that made me look inwards and outwards. For that, I can't recommend this enough. Pick up a copy if you haven't already.

The Golden Birthday

I turned 26th on the 26th. This year was my golden birthday, and I spent it with my husband (it's still so weird to say 'husband' 0_0). Birthdays are bittersweet. I never really like the idea of getting older, but I do appreciate a day I get to spend with loved ones! This month I celebrated all over the place with family and friends, but on the actual day of, I spent it with the love of my life.

As you know from my previous post, I've become a huge plotter. So I guess it's no surprise that I planned out my birthday. Brunch at the London Plane, then off to Pike Place market to get some fresh crab to recreate a dish my mom always made me for my birthday growing up. Also, wine! Because, um, wine!  :)

Michael surprised me with the best gift ever. The rose gold Macbook! You see, I've had the same heavy laptop since the beginning of college which is slow as hell. But it still worked, so I still wrote on it. Travel, however, proved difficult. I'd bring a roller carry-on just to hold the laptop for me or ask Michael to do so in his bag. On the latest trip to Palm Desert, I didn't even want to deal with my clunky laptop, so I left it at home. That said, it was a huge surprise to wake up with this shiny new gift! I can't wait to write all my stories on this beauty! Not to mention it's a million times faster than my old one and I can bring it anywhere! *cue the happy tears*

After breakfast, we went to the market to pick up some fresh flowers, crab, and exotic fruit for dinner and dessert. It's been rainy and gray as usual so I was happy to go home and drink some wine. 

When it came time to make dinner, I winged the recipe I'd seen my mom make year after year for me. It turned out pretty good, but my mom's crab is way better hands down. Still, it was fun to try, and it was my first time making crab at home so I consider that a win. 

All in all, it's been another great year, and I'm looking forward to another and all the books releasing this year!

Can I have my copy of STRANGE THE DREAMER now?

Why I've given up on pantsing.

The 'pantsing versus plotting' debate. I've finally decided to weigh in on this issue.

Three years ago, I considered myself a pantser. Typically, I'd get a general idea or spark for a story and dive into it blindly with awe, emotion, and a tiny outline that I followed like breadcrumbs, eager to find out what awaited me at the end. And though this method seemed to work for certain manuscripts, I quickly realized it wouldn't for all.

Certain manuscripts that hold an irresistible charm can handle this breadcrumb method, but these, I noticed, are the kind of stories that have been stewing inside you for a while. You've thought about it constantly for years, you know the characters, you've imagined the plot from start to finish so many times it's like the lyrics to your favorite song. By all means, pants this story because you already know it by heart.

Those kind of stories are special. Like truly special. They write themselves practically. But what about the ones that don't? You know, the ones that give you a feeling you can't quite describe? Yet the call of it is like a siren's and somehow you've been sucked into it, but you don't know what 'it' is?

As a pantser, you could dive into the draft and explore the idea, but you risk writing in circles and a first draft that's painful to untangle.

As a plotter, you can brainstorm and plan to your heart's content, but you risk losing that special feeling by burn out.

There's a ton more pros and cons that you can find on any blogger's website, but in this post, I'll share my personal experience.

Last spring, I got this strange idea in a car, and a character's voice in my ear soon after, almost demanding me to write her story. She sounded troubled, misunderstood, and complicated. I was drawn to her darkness, her pain, and what this could be. I never really questioned her character, all I knew was I needed to get her down before she decided to be someone else's obnoxious muse.

I know I'm probably coming off as a crazy person, but I pantsed the heck out of it. I drafted up a story for her pretty quickly, but when I read it, it was awful. Like truly awful. Sure all first drafts are a mess, but there wasn't anything remotely usable in it. But the idea, the vibe, the girl, ate away at me. I still liked the concept. I just didn't like the way I handled it.

Alright, so I roll up my sleeves and decide to tackle it again, pantsing a second draft with a lot of the changes I had in mind. Granted it was still awful when I finished, but there was still something there that I liked. But was it even usable? At this point I was too attached to the character, but also frustrated with her. Just tell me what your story is damn it!!! Ugh. Cue my pit of despair, and my amazing CP's coming to the rescue by giving me honest feedback.

There was so much wrong with it. But there was also something interesting that still held me tight.

They told me not to give up on this, so I didn't. I sat my butt in my chair and really thought about they said, and then I started planning. Like excessive planning. Excel spreadsheets, spiral notebooks. Time lines. Writing exercises. Pinterest boards. Everything. Seeing all the pieces of the story in piece meal finally allowed me to connect the dots in a way drafting from straight to finish did not. It was like puzzle pieces dumped in front of me where I could inspect the edges and see where they fit instead of laying the pieces one after the other in a row that made a straight line but lacked an image. 

This was my light bulb moment where I said to myself, Never again will I be a pantser.

With all these new tools and plans, I wrote my third draft much more efficiently and with less head banging. Sure, it's not perfect and it still has so far to go, but it's finally workable, reviseable (that's not a word, is it?), and much more enjoyable to work with.

I understand plotting isn't for everyone, but after the headache inducing drafts I went through, I'm convinced that pantsing isn't the way for me.

To address the risks that I mentioned above, if you pants you could end up like I did, writing in painful circles. But to the plotting risk of burning out, I'm starting to see that if a story is worth writing and sharing, you won't burn out. It's like an evocative smelling candle. Sure the wick may blow out once and awhile from the wind (or fatigue, in this case), but you know you'll just end up lighting it again because its scent is too hard to miss.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the debate. Comment below with yours!

Paralyzed by fear.

It's been almost 4 months since I posted on my blog. It's also been four months since I took a lot of old posts down. At times, it feels like 2016 didn't even happen on my blog. I can give you many reasons on why I've disappeared: stress from planning a wedding, learning a new job, the holidays, writing something new, etc. And though those are legitimate reasons for taking a hiatus from my blog, it's not entirely true.

The truth is, I've been afraid. My life kept getting busier and busier, and I was afraid that I'd never be able to write anything of quality again. They say that comparison is the thief of happiness, and I found myself doing that a lot. While everyone seemed to be headed somewhere, I felt like I was in the same place, but with a different scenery.

When I confided in others about this fear, they all told me to slow down, take a deep breath, and then they would offer me the same excuses I gave myself. "Relax, you have a wedding to plan. That's a lot of pressure. You just started a new job, it takes a while to learn it and feel comfortable. You've written three drafts in this year alone. You've accomplished a lot."

But I didn't feel like I had. Though I was getting things scratched off my checklist, I found myself getting farther from my own personal goals and from myself. It's as if I went on auto-pilot to get things done, instead of paying attention to the things that mattered.

All of a sudden, I stopped blogging, stopped journaling, took a break from writing--things that I loved. Why was I doing that? This was the time where I needed it the most.

Because I was afraid.

I was afraid of blogging about all of this, because I didn't feel like it was important. To me or to readers. And also, I was afraid of what people would think of me.

I was afraid of journaling, because I didn't want to waste time when I could be getting things done on my checklist. Even though I know now, that journaling is never a waste of time.

I was afraid of writing, because I'd lost my voice. I didn't know what I wanted to say in my stories, and because of that, my stories suffered for it as I wrote myself into frustrating circles.

I was paralyzed by my own fear. 

Instead of facing this problem, I dusted it under the rug and let everything else, the wedding, work, etc, become my priority. But I was never happy doing only that because I felt stuck. At a standstill. Trapped.

Once the wedding was over, once I got over the learning curve of the new job and things started to slow down, I was faced with all these fears I had ignored.

A good CP of mine told me that sometimes fear can be a good thing. It let's us know that we're doing something worthwhile because we care. Instead of letting fear be a road block to where we want to go, we should climb over fear, and let it elevate our potential and our stories.

Once I embraced fear for what it was, I was able to look past it and see a solution. It took me a long while, but it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was as if I'd finally found the power-off button on the auto-pilot suit I was wearing and was able to step back into me.

So, the point of this post? Don't be afraid of your own fear. This doesn't apply to just writing, but life in general. Face your fears, and then do something about it. It's better than doing nothing at all.

Bookish Feels: This Savage Song by Vitoria Schwab

The Book: There’s no such thing as safe in a city at war, a city overrun with monsters. In this dark urban fantasy from author Victoria Schwab, a young woman and a young man must choose whether to become heroes or villains—and friends or enemies—with the future of their home at stake. The first of two books.

Kate Harker and August Flynn are the heirs to a divided city—a city where the violence has begun to breed actual monsters. All Kate wants is to be as ruthless as her father, who lets the monsters roam free and makes the humans pay for his protection. All August wants is to be human, as good-hearted as his own father, to play a bigger role in protecting the innocent—but he’s one of the monsters. One who can steal a soul with a simple strain of music. When the chance arises to keep an eye on Kate, who’s just been kicked out of her sixth boarding school and returned home, August jumps at it. But Kate discovers August’s secret, and after a failed assassination attempt the pair must flee for their lives. (from Goodreads)

My Feels: I finished this a while back, but I'm still dealing with fresh feels. What's amazing about Schwab is her ability to create such memorable characters. Combine that with beautiful prose, the thrilling pacing, and creepy monsters, and you get this amazing page-turning book.

My favorite part of this book is August's point of view. I loved his existential bits and his relationship with his sister, and his desire to do what's right. And then you have Kate who's tough on the exterior, but wants to be noticed by her dad. Beneath the thrilling pace and action scenes, there's a heart beating beneath this story, which for me, made it so enjoyable that I couldn't put it down. This is definitely one of those books you cozy up with when the rain is pouring and you have a flashlight in your hand, unable to sleep because you need to finish. As you can tell, I'm looking forward to the second installment!

What happens when you don't get into PitchWars and what happens when you do?

To all you PitchWars hopefuls, I'm sure this question has crossed your mind, especially now since the Mentee announcements are on the horizon! So let me give you an answer, because I've been on both sides :)

Before I get into it, I should mention that my answer is based on my own experience. Ask another mentee and their answer could be different. But here's my perspective. I hope it gives you some insight and motivation to keep writing.

When you don't get in...

In 2014, I applied to PitchWars for the first time with a fully revised manuscript (M1). I spent about a year on it going through multiple drafts and making it the best it could be. I connected with other hopefuls on twitter, submitted my entry, stalked the mentors (hoping they were talking about my awesome manuscript), and waited and waited for the announcement to finally come.

Once it did, I did 'ctrl+F' for my name. Nothing came up. I read the list from beginning to end, the rejection slowly sinking in. This feeling of disappointment and not feeling like you're good enough, the doubts, they hit me all at once. I congratulated the other hopefuls who did make it, but then I kind of disappeared from Twitter (granted, I never really did use twitter much anyway back then, so NBD).

But I still felt my MS was ready, and PitchWars pushed me to prepare my materials for querying, so I did.

More rejections resulted, until I finally came to the realization that this MS was not the one. So I shelved it and started another MS. We'll call it M2. I worked on it all fall and winter, but something was lacking in the story, so I quit halfway through. It took a vacation and a new perspective for me to sit down and try again. I started M3 at the end of April and drafted it in six weeks, quickly revised based on my CP's comments, and entered it into PitchWars. This time, I got in (more on that below), but I probably wouldn't have if I didn't keep writing.

So what do you do when you don't get into PitchWars?

You keep writing, pursuing your passion, and continuing to improve your craft. In a span of one year, continuously writing, reading, and learning from others, my writing improved so much and it showed in the manuscript that got me in.

One thing I will critique myself on is the fact that I left twitter. Twitter is a great place to meet other writers and to just connect with people who are passionate about writing, reading, and books in general. Find your CP's, your betas, your tribe. This creative path we've chosen to pursue is an arduous one, but it'll be so much better when you have someone alongside you, who gets what you're doing, and understands what you're going through.

So write, write, write. Connect, connect, connect. Read, read, read. Learn, learn, learn. Got it?

And when it comes to rejection, know that it is part of the process. Rejections may hurt, but they're also a testament to your hard work. You're doing, you're trying, and you're putting yourself (and your work) out there. If you keep at it, you'll eventually get to that 'yes' you've been working toward.

When you do get in...

In 2015, my name was on the mentee list. I was shocked. I cried. I forgot to make dinner. I celebrated. It was amazing. I got my edit letter from my mentor, and then came a lot of hard work.

You write, write, write. Revise, revise, revise. Read, read, read. Connect, connect, connect with your fellow mentees. And you learn, learn, learn from your mentor. In some ways, getting in is similar to not getting in; both involve persistence, growth, and working your butt off.

Except instead of querying right away, you have the agent round first, and then you start querying.

Then come requests, maybe an offer of rep, but also rejections.

No matter where that manuscript that got you into PitchWars leads you, know that it's never over. You'll still have to write another manuscript, you'll still have to work on your craft. You'll still have to create, revise, and edit. Because that's what writers do. We write. Whether you get into PitchWars (or any other writing contest for that matter). This goes without saying even if you aren't/are agented/have a book deal.

I will say that PitchWars is a pretty amazing opportunity, so if you do get it in, cherish the experience, work hard, and give it all you got. But if you don't get the opportunity, do not be dismayed. One contest is not the end of the road for you. We all take different paths to get to our dreams. So whatever happens, you are awesome. You wrote a manuscript, you had the guts to try, and you'll continue to write because you love it, because it's part of you. Take heart, and persevere. 

<3, Michelle

Bookish Feels: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling, John Tiffany, & Jack Thorne

The Book: The Eighth Story. Nineteen Years Later.

Based on an original new story by J.K. Rowling, Jack Thorne and John Tiffany, a new play by Jack Thorne, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is the eighth story in the Harry Potter series and the first official Harry Potter story to be presented on stage. The play will receive its world premiere in London’s West End on July 30, 2016.

It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.

While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places. (From Goodreads)

My Feels: Okay, so I actually really loved this, more than I thought I would! I think what people found disappointing about this was the medium. It's a play, not a book. It won't have those descriptions and inner dialogues, and all the things that make books so awesome! With that said, some people might not connect with that after being so attached to the books. But there's still a story here, and its one I enjoyed. It still had great HP themes and moments, and that's what I bought it for. If you're not used to reading plays, then it may be hard to get into, but read it anyway because don't you want to meet Scorpius?! SO ADORBS. *heart eyes everywhere* And if you don't mind the medium, then go for it!

I read the HP series growing up, so now as an adult, I really appreciated this new medium and this grown-up Harry; I can empathize with him and his son. I wish there were more books after this because I just can't get enough of the wizarding world. Luckily, I have the Fantastic Beasts movie to look forward to so I guess there's no need to mourn the loss yet!