Bookish Feels: Blood For Blood by Ryan Graudin

The Book: The action-packed, thrilling sequel to Ryan Graudin's Wolf by Wolf.

There would be blood.
Blood for blood.
Blood to pay.
An entire world of it.

For the resistance in 1950s Germany, the war may be over, but the fight has just begun.

Death camp survivor Yael, who has the power to skinshift, is on the run: the world has just seen her shoot and kill Hitler. But the truth of what happened is far more complicated, and its consequences are deadly. Yael and her unlikely comrades dive into enemy territory to try to turn the tide against the New Order, and there is no alternative but to see their mission through to the end, whatever the cost.

But dark secrets reveal dark truths, and one question hangs over them all: how far can you go for the ones you love?

This gripping, thought-provoking sequel to Wolf by Wolf will grab readers by the throat with its cinematic writing, fast-paced action, and relentless twists.  (from Goodreads)

My Feels: So I've been putting off writing this bookish feels because it means there's some finality to this series, and no amount of rereading it will undo the damage to my heart. Ugh. My heart.

Okay, so HUGE THANKS to Michella, who was kind enough to share her ARC with me. I'll try my best not to post any spoilers, so let me just start with some advice: grab a box of Kleenex and keep a pint of your favorite ice cream in the freezer so you have it ready to console you afterwards.

Stylistically, the sequel was different due to the three POVs instead of just Yael's. I think it amped the pace and intensity of the plot, but I missed the rhymic and poetic feel of the first book. Nonetheless, I thought the three POVs were executed perfectly and Luka's character arc was just so perfect. Ugh. SO PERFECT. His character really shined.

And then, a return of a character. *clamps mouth shut from uttering the name* YES! YES! YES! 

And then the passage about the stars slowly disappearing, but Luka looks up to a star-filled sky. That metaphor. Wow.

And then the fact that the plot kept twisting and turning.

The ending that made me want to punch a character seriously in the face.

Yael & Luka <3

Tattoos!

*weeps*

Okay, this bookish feels probably will not benefit you because you have no idea what I'm talking about, so I guess you'll just have to snag a copy of this heartbreaking beauty when it comes out November 1st. Okay? Promise? Okay good.

Napa, A Wedding, & The Rest of My Trip

Day 3. We left Sonoma and crossed over to Napa. Michael and I had a wedding to attend in Santa Rosa where we would finally get to meet up with my family. We still had time to kill though, so we headed over to Napa to do more tasting!

Our first stop was Caymus. It was always on Michael's list to try, and we missed it the last time we were in Napa, so it was nice to finally go. The outdoor seating was lovely in the nice weather. Next, we went to the futuristic Palmaz, where they showed us their new tech and how they used gravity instead of pumping to give their wine some smoothness. It felt like a James Bond movie, and the wine was amazing. I totally recommend. To end, we did a tasting at Wine Country Connection where we got to chat with a Master Somm which was a neat first for us!

Afterwards, we met up with my family in Santa Rosa for a wedding! It was the first time I met my niece, who is absolutely adorable. No wonder my mom says I've been replaced!

Of course, my family proceeded to take a zillion selfies since it's a rarity for all of us to be together (unless it's Thanksgiving). Who do you think I look the most alike?

I also just realized that I wear the same dress to almost every wedding. I need a wardrobe update asap!

When the wedding was over, Michael and I hitched a ride back to Sacramento to spend our remaining days of vacation with my family. There, I got to hang out with my cousins, eat amazing home-cooked meals of all my favorites, spent time with friends, and I even fit in some reading time (I'll save my thoughts of BLOOD FOR BLOOD for a 'Bookish Feels' post).

Getting back from vacation is always rough for me. Heck, it took me almost two weeks to even blog about it and for Blaire to warm back up to us. For me, I took a few days to adjust, and then even a couple of more days to get the motivation to work off my vacation weight (the food and wine, was all worth it though ;)).

Currently, I've been obsessed with 'Poldark' (thanks to Michella), which has helped with my book hangover and vacation withdrawals. I loved it so much, I spent the last week reading the first two books of the series it's based off of. But with June almost over, and my next vacation around the corner, I know I need to get back to my WIP and revise, research, and read!

Sonoma Wine Trip: Russian River Valley & Bravas

Day two exploring the Sonoma wine country was amazing. Even better because Michael and I had a tour guide. In total, we tasted at 6 different wineries! I couldn't tell you all the names because I don't remember half of them, but it was really neat to compare the pinots and chardonnay from this valley. I found that the chardonnays I preferred came from the Sonoma Coast (so I think a trip to the coast is in order--sometime in the future at least).

After our full day of tasting, we went out for ice cream at the Noble Fir before heading to dinner at Bravas (dessert before dinner ;) yum).

All in all, the trip exceeded my expectations. The wine region here is huge though, so I have a feeling Michael and I will be back since there's so much more to explore.

Sonoma Wine Trip: Carneros & Valette

Before I get into my trip, I just want to say, LOVE IS LOVE IS  LOVE IS LOVE IS  LOVE IS LOVE<3. Let us not forget that.

As for my trip, it's been almost a week since I landed in Oakland, California, and drove up to the Sonoma/Carneros area with Michael. Our yearly summer wine trips are my favorite, and I was especially excited to do the Sonoma area! Deep down I have this dream of Michael and I with our little own vineyard and a small home on a hill with a wraparound porch. I'd pen my latest novel and he'd cycle the rolling hills. We'd make delicious local food and great wine. I can dream,right? Not to mention the location would be perfect; about an hour and a half from my family, the coast, and the bay area.

But alas, I should snap out of my day dream and get on with my post! We started at Gloria Ferrer to taste some sparkling wines. I loved it so much, I became a member of their wine club.

For lunch, we went to OSO Sonoma to fuel up before heading for our wine taste/tour at Domaine Carneros.

After, we went to Arrowood for our last taste, but when we got there I was like, whoa! Dream home right here ;)

For dinner, we went to Valette and did the chef's tasting menu. It was AMAZING. A must-go if you're in the area and want a fancy/romantic/date night, or if you just want some delicious food.

By the end of the day, I was totally wiped. We got up at 4 a.m. that day to head out to the airport and did a full day of tasting. You bet I crashed by the time 9 p.m. rolled around.

TGw9L - Week Six & The Celebratory End

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, then you know this happened:

Nothing feels better than typing those two words and actually being proud of the work and time you put in. The moment was so different from finishing ADKOU (aka the trashed manuscript from this year). I was equal parts relieved, excited, but also really, really tired.

Let's see how I did my final week!

Week 6: 15,300
Total: 75,423

I owe the motivation of this week to all the support from my 2 handsome boys and the PVRIS concert.

Blaire, though annoying at times, was a constant companion on my lap, and Michael supported me the whole way, letting me spend hours in the cave. He even went to the PVRIS concert with me (despite not having slept in two days so I wouldn't be alone), got me a nice bottle of champagne to celebrate, and took me out for dessert.

The concert though, was even better than I thought it'd be. There's just something about seeing a performance live that transcends listening to the record. Even more so, when I'm able to imagine all these scenes in my head from my MS that correlated with some of their tracks (see my post last week here, to see what I mean).

All these things helped me get to the finish line that I ended up making it before my self-imposed deadline of June 1st! So that's something to feel good about, especially with vacation around the corner.

The first draft is always the 'magical' draft. It belongs fully and completely to you despite all its flaws. But if you want to make it even better and go through revisions, you'll have to take off your rose-colored glasses and get other eyes on it. That's the hard part.

For my own process, this would be the time where I take a break before going back to do a read-through and creating my own revision plan to get it ready for CP's. I'm doing things a little differently this time around because I want to know if there's 'something there' in my story. Is the story and the characters compelling enough? Not only to snag my own interest, but the interests of others that they would go along with the MC's journey? So this time, I actually sent my first three chapters and pitch out with a few trusted CP's and then to my agent.

Though I enjoyed every minute of writing this MS and am already thinking of revision ideas, I know that if I have to let this project go, then I will. It's a hard thing to do, but I'm prepared to do so if need be. But I am also prepared to work hard on it and give it everything I have, if all signs point to yes.

Either way, I've learned two important lessons this year with these two complete first drafts (ADKOU & TGw9L):

1. Write passionately. Do not write for the sake of writing. Write with your whole heart and nothing less than that. Because if you don't, it'll show in your writing. You can't fool the reader.
2. Know when to let things go. Making decisions are never easy, but when it's time to pull the plug on something, do it with respect. Don't think of it as a waste of time, don't think that it has to do with you. Stories work in different ways, and maybe it's not the right time for you or it to be fully realized. Seek opinions you trust to help you make the hard choices if need be, but don't be afraid to leave something behind. It's not quitting. It's moving on to give yourself the best possible chance to grow and thrive.

TGw9L - Week Five & Epiphanies/Inspiration

High-five! Because I completed week five! Okay, that was corny, but hey! I made it! And I'm posting early instead of waiting for Friday. So go me!

So my progress...

Week 5: 13,388
Total: 60,128

It was a really great week for me! The 18th especially because I had an epiphany about how to end my MS in a way that ties everything together, so I couldn't be happier! I wrote up to 3K that day so I could get closer to writing it, but even ending the week at 60K, I still have a ways to go. So much farther to go, I found myself procrastinating on the 21st. A part of me just wants it all to be perfect, but I have to accept that this is only a first draft and I will make it better. I just need to get it out, finish--while still keeping the flame I have for this book alive--before I run out of stamina. And also, another part of me just wants this done, done, done! So I can hold this precious, but dark story in my hands.

So to fuel up for the finish line, I'm using some inspiration. If you follow me on twitter, you may remember this tweet from my first week of drafting:

The song is 'You and I' (stripped version) by PVRIS. It basically captures the relationship between Elias and Delilah (who is actually Jane, and who actually doesn't have a 'real' name--long story). Anyway, the thing is, when I draft, it's usually done in silence. Usually I'll create a playlist to listen to when I work out or take lunch break walks to get me thinking about the story. This time, I found myself gravitating to PVRIS's 'White Noise' album all the time.

Like, seriously. It just speaks to me. Lyrics written for the album were highly inspired by ghosts and spirits, so I guess it's fitting that I would connect my MS to this album, since my MC is akin to a ghost/spirit herself. Now, I've been listening to the album non-stop to get me in the zone as I finish up the MS. 

But get this! I found out on Monday that PVRIS has a concert this week in Seattle! Must be fate, right? So I got tickets, and now I'm so excited because I get to see these songs--that have filled me with inspiration for the past month and a half--live! It's like a pre-celebration bash before I knock out 'The End'!

Gahhhh! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. Just for funsies, I've listed some of my favorite songs and what they mean to me in respects to my MS:

You and I (stripped & regular version) - My two MC's courtship/romance.
Empty - My MC's character ARC.
My House - Delilah's dark thoughts that lead to her demise.
Holy - Eliza's 'poor unfortunate soul'.
Fire - My MC's dark past/confrontation. 
Eyelids - Bittersweet moment scene for my two MC's.
Only Love (Acoustic-not on the album) - The ending + epilogue of the MS.

Really though, I love the whole album <3

In other good news, I've accepted a job offer and will be switching to my new role in July! May has been very good to me, and I am so grateful.

To end, here's some epic brunch pictures this past weekend at The London Plan (which was delicious. I have to say, it's my new fave brunch place!).

TGw9L - Week Four & Different Paths

Week 4 was perhaps the most difficult drafting week thus far. I struggled to find balance in my daily life and in weaving the middle of the story. But before I get into that, let's see where I'm at.

Week 4: 11,699
Total: 46,740

This week, I managed to salvage stuff I had to trash in week 2. I had to tweak a lot of it, but I think it fit in nicely. What I thought was a waste, ended up being material I could use later. That's the main reason why I don't trash anything I write, I never know when it can be useful.

I also bounced a couple of storylines in my head. I knew where the characters were all going to end up, but how to get them there resulted in many paths to choose from. Of course, I went with the path that would wind up putting my MC in the worst situation possible. So it was fun when Friday the 13th came around, because I conjured something wicked for her, that worked out really, really, well. Too well, actually.

The thing is, once you get from a really intense traumatic scene, how do you get the character to come back from it in a very plausible and believable way? That's something I had to think long and hard about because it brought her to a turning point, and the execution would result in the agency of her actions for the rest of the book. It was difficult. Heck, middles for me are always difficult.

By the time Sunday came around, I was wiped and had meager words down to show for my time. I decided to just take the day off from drafting. I basically felt like Blaire.

On top of working out this middle, life also got busier. It's the high season at work, which left me feeling tired when I went home after to write.

On the bright side, vacation is coming up, and I think I'll be done with this draft before I fly out. It'll be marvelous. I can't wait to print this draft out and read it on hard copy while on my trip. I think just being excited about this draft and future revisions shows how passionate I am for this story. It's a different feeling from ADKOU, and I am so relieved. I hope I'm onto something.

It's funny how I felt so dejected about my trashed MS (ADKOU), thinking I'd never feel passionate about any other MS that wasn't TJE. But here I am. It's another different path I've taken, but it's worked out, and I'm curious to see where it leads me.