With the onslaught of rain, and the darkened days, I've felt myself drift away for awhile. In it's place I felt discontent, confusion, and a lonely longing that's hard to put into words.
On the surface, I'm seen as very bubbly, polite, and quiet, but those that know me on a more personal level has seen the other side I'm not proud of: destructive and highly emotional.
I write this, not as a confession, but a remembrance to the person I don't want to be. We all have those right? A shadow, lurking at the edge of our mind that comes out when we aren't looking. No, I'm not saying I have a split personality or something like that, but rather when things get tough it's easy to be taken over by negativity. Your mind then becomes so cloudy with negativity, so unlike you, that you don't want to feel it at all. Which leads to bad decisions.
Too put it plainly, I had too much to drink, said some hurtful things, and behaved dangerously and unladylike on Halloween. I was mortified and sickened with my behavior the next day. To feel so out of control of myself made me feel so ashamed.
Luckily, I had people who cared, took care of me, and tried to reassure me that night's like the one I had inevitably happen, but the only thing you can do is move forward. Those people in my life know who they are, and I am eternally grateful for them.
But it was an all time low for me and not one that I'll likely forget or ever repeat.
So, I write this to anyone who's feeling a little blue: the feeling will pass, but hopefully you don't need to make a mess of yourself like I did to pull yourself out of it. But if you do make a mess, remember, that we're all human. We make mistakes. And all we can do is learn from them.
On the surface, I'm seen as very bubbly, polite, and quiet, but those that know me on a more personal level has seen the other side I'm not proud of: destructive and highly emotional.
I write this, not as a confession, but a remembrance to the person I don't want to be. We all have those right? A shadow, lurking at the edge of our mind that comes out when we aren't looking. No, I'm not saying I have a split personality or something like that, but rather when things get tough it's easy to be taken over by negativity. Your mind then becomes so cloudy with negativity, so unlike you, that you don't want to feel it at all. Which leads to bad decisions.
Too put it plainly, I had too much to drink, said some hurtful things, and behaved dangerously and unladylike on Halloween. I was mortified and sickened with my behavior the next day. To feel so out of control of myself made me feel so ashamed.
Luckily, I had people who cared, took care of me, and tried to reassure me that night's like the one I had inevitably happen, but the only thing you can do is move forward. Those people in my life know who they are, and I am eternally grateful for them.
But it was an all time low for me and not one that I'll likely forget or ever repeat.
So, I write this to anyone who's feeling a little blue: the feeling will pass, but hopefully you don't need to make a mess of yourself like I did to pull yourself out of it. But if you do make a mess, remember, that we're all human. We make mistakes. And all we can do is learn from them.
