Writing

WWPR: Manuscript baking & outlining.

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Any followers from 2015 remember my WWPR posts? Yeah, me neither, until a bout of nostalgia propelled me to dig into my archives. WWPR stands for 'Weekly Writing Progress Report'. I started it when I drafted M4, the manuscript that got me into PitchWars and also landed me my first agent. It was, and still continues to be the book of my heart.

One thing I loved about M4 was how easy it was to write (well easy in comparison to all my projects after it and before it) that I got to wondering if blogging about it was the secret ingredient to making it so enjoyable. So, out of curiosity, I dug back into the archives to read about my process, and it brought all these fond memories containing such great nuggets of illuminating advice current-me can still learn from and appreciate. With all of my discussions about my process and how beneficial it was to my craft, I wondered why I ever stopped? Sure I had some posts about my other projects, but this weekly snapshot of seeing it grow and how it became an integral part of my life was truly something.

(If you're curious about those posts, click here and it will lead you down the rabbit hole)

Thus, I'm bringing WWPR back for my pleasure and enjoyment, and also hopefully yours!

So here we go!

This week in writing:

MS7: ATLWTO, YA own voices inspired Contemporary
Status: Draft Two, finished
  • This week I'm letting my YA Contemporary 'bake' so that I can get fresh eyes on it before I do my read-through this weekend. What's cool about letting it bake are the ideas coming from having more brain space to think about it instead of focusing on writing/revising it. I've been jotting down notes on my phone in hopes that they will come in handy when I start making a revision plan for draft three.
  • I did share a small excerpt with my husband on Monday to see what he thought of it. He's only read a beginning clipping from draft one, but I changed the tone and voice in draft two so I was curious to see what he thought. He liked it, and there are parts I do too, but I know it has a long way to go before matching the vision in my head.
  • READ-THROUGH PLAN: Currently I have Saturday and Sunday blocked out on my calendar to do a read-through. I'm also traveling though for the holiday, but I'm hopeful I can still knock it out since it's only 59K.
MS8: ADOSAE, YA Fantasy
Status: Outlining
  • Some background on this project: I've had this idea since forever. Remember the book of my heart I mentioned earlier M4? I guess I should have said one book from a series of my heart. Totally dangerous territory, but I can't help it. This project is my prequel to M4. It's dangerous because you should never put all your eggs in one basket, but there's something about the world and the wide nest of characters that I'm desperate to explore. I guess the one perk of not being agented right now is the fact that I get to write whatever I want for the sake of pure enjoyment. To be frank, this world is my escape so I'm gonna roll with it because I love it so much. And that's kind of awesome because I'm going to follow my heart. It's also a great break from the serious contemporary WIP above.
  • Outlining - My process changes with every book, but on this one, I couldn't help but recreate my environment from M4, so I went through my drive and notebooks to see how I outlined it and it was so simple. So simple I feel like I'm cheating. M4 only used a skimpy outline and a list of possible scenes that I kept adding to as I wrote the story. So for M8 I'm doing the same, but I'm going to be a tad bit more detailed since I won't be drafting this baby until January.
    • How I Outline (in 3 Layers):
      1. I first start with a skeleton plot (a la Sarah Dessen). Find your beginning, your midpoint, and then the end. Once you have that, make a list of scenes and try to put them in natural order that gets you from Point A to Point B. Or in this case from the beginning, middle, to end. For this part, try not to think too much, just let your creative side loose and capture all those images floating in your mind. By this point you have a very skeletal outline that might look like a scene list, and you might get stuck. Totally okay, because that brings us to layer two.
      2. Now that I have an idea of what my plot looks like, I start to think about my major characters. Who are they? What do they want? Need? Afraid of? This method is something Marissa Meyer delves into on her blog and it's always stuck with me. Plot is really your characters doing stuff. i.e. making decisions, that lead them to another, and so on until it gets progressively worst for the character (but great for the reader). I'll drop the link here for you to check out.
      3. Once I get my characters semi-developed, I start to see how they interact with the plot, and this usually ends up generating more scenes and clarity to my outline. Then to make sure I hit all the plot points, I compare my outline to a beat sheet to make sure I have all the elements of plot, and then I trace through each major character arc to see if I got that too. Review and repeat until you're satisfied. By this point, you should have a triple layered outline loose enough you know where you're headed, but not so strict that you can't deviate ;)
  • I should mention this method seems to work with my YA Fantasy pretty well, but not Contemporary. For Contemporary I switch the first and second layer in this method by planning my characters first and using the plot to serve their arc.
  • Another tip, outlining by pen and paper usually stirs more creativity than going straight to a word processor to brainstorm. I usually free write the ideas and then arrange them all typed up so I can move it around, but that's your call ;) We all have our personal preferences.

Lastly, to the dreamers:

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I'm talking about those of us who aren't quite there in publishing land, but are keeping up the good fight. Those of us who've made some milestones, but have also had to dust ourselves off and pick ourselves back up. It's easy to be down on yourself as you see everyone around you (or so it seems) getting published and making their dreams come true. It's easy to be jealous or envious thinking they have it made. But appearances can be deceiving. Everyone has their own challenges, everyone still has to write, and so do you. In the end, we're all just writers trying to share the stories that matter to us. I think we sometimes forget that when all we see is a dividing line separating the ones that have 'made' it from the ones who haven't. This is an imaginary line. We're all people trying to find a home for our stories in our readers.

So keep up the good fight. Take a break if you need to. Your stories will be waiting for you when you're ready.

Finding the frame for your vision.

Over the weekend I finished the second draft of my WIP (for nomenclature purposes I'll refer to it as ATLWTO--which is shorthand for my working title). Though it only took me three weeks to crank out, I felt like it was emotionally draining so I didn't really celebrate.

Draft one, which I will deem my exploratory draft, was just all over the place. I couldn't decide on the tense, I fiddled constantly with timelines--it was basically a mess of me trying to figure out what was the best way to tell the story. My outline did not help whatsoever. Sometimes unfortunately, you don't know what works until you're knee deep in 30K words, and then you reread some bits and think, this would be better if I wrote it this way instead. Then there were the scenes that I thought was important to show but it did not serve the plot. Oh and then one character who I didn't really like, kept convincing me that he did not fit in the character box I was trying to fit him in, so that threw a wrench in things.

So you can imagine when I started my second draft how daunting all of this was when draft one became a mish mash of broken pieces. For draft two I simplified things by focusing on one thing, and one thing only: plot. I needed to nail the frame down for my vision, which meant I had to decide on the tense and stick to it. I had to decide if I wanted to do multiple timelines and why. In the end I decided I needed one thing solid to build off, because I was not going to go through a revision nightmare. Thus in three weeks, I revised the chapters I would keep, and then rewrote half of the MS fitting in the stepping stones to connect the plot for me to flesh out in draft three.

Case in point: Figure out the frame for your vision before you begin. It's like when you have a very dear photograph you want to frame. Do you just put it in any one you find? Or do you actually spend time looking for the perfect one that will compliment your photo? Note to self: take frame shopping seriously.

This week I'm going to take a much needed break from the MS by outlining the next idea. Then during Thanksgiving break I'll do my read through and make a heavy lifting revision plan for draft three--which I will give myself 6 weeks instead of three to complete. If all goes according to plan I'll have a working draft going into the new year!

On the other hand, since I've been obsessed with getting this MS done, done, done, I've been more introverted as usual and off of social media. The introverted thing can't be helped sometimes. It's SO DAMN DARK in the PNW so all I want to do is hibernate, but I will say being off social media has been a great 'breather' which increased my productivity.

 I'll end this post by dropping some reading recs that were my favorites this month and jotting down a few life updates:

An Enchantment of Ravens - I adored the love story, the adventure, the world building (so lush), and the pretty but to the point writing :D This will probably be a book I revisit. I read the whole thing through during a weekend.

Body Love - I always love reading up on diet and nutrition in the hopes of optimizing my lifestyle and I really loved the science-y explanations on blood sugar and hormones. Not to mention the simple approach to balanced eating.

I traded in my natural hair color for a balayage. Still getting used to this lighter version of me. Hopefully I'll have a better picture of it up on the blog later.

A dusting of snow came early to my neck of the woods. It made for pretty writing weather but terrible conditions for my already dry skin.

Lastly, I tried out Bounty Kitchen in Seattle with some TIU girls. Definitely a cool spot to catch some healthy eats in Queen Anne.

Pitch Wars: Two years later...

Ahhh. It's that time of year. The frenetic energy on twitter, writers anxiously waiting, mentors feverishly reading! Must be Pitch Wars!

This time of year always makes me so nostalgic. I can still clearly remember the excitement I felt when I got requests for more material, made it on the list, and how bit my nails off to the quick while constantly refreshing during the agent round. It was a wonderful experience.

Whether or not you get in though, everyone's journey to publication is different and I hate to break it to you, but Pitch Wars does not safeguard you from the highs and lows of the industry. What it can offer are friendships and awesome CP's :) My advice? Mingle and make connections while you wait. The great thing about PitchWars is how it brings writers together. Plus, we're all winners here when we make a friend or two.

As you may know, I'm a 2015 Pitch Wars alum. I'm not a mentor, I don't currently have representation, nor do I have a book deal. I'm the opposite of a Pitch Wars success story, and the past two years have been tumultuous at best. What I gained from my year, however, is an amazing 2015 class, and two amazing CP's turned friends who I became close to through Pitch Wars. Which brings me to this catch up post!

Last month, I finally got to meet up with said amazing friends Joan and Michella (who by the way, are mentoring this year ;))! It was the first time we were all together since we struck up our friendship. It's actually pretty incredible since we live on opposite sides of the country. While they were here we were able to catch up, walk around the city, have writing dates, and ate a delicious amount of cookies!!!

It was glorious. Check out the photos below for yourself! 

Whether or not you Pitch Wars hopefuls get in, I just want all you to know that it's not the end all or be all of your writing journey. Even as you move further and further toward the goal of being a published author, know that there will always be things to worry about or stress over. So enjoy the present moment and most of all the process, because it never stops. Just keep at it, take breaks if you need to, but keep some close friends with you throughout your journey. Writing may seem like a solitary endeavor, but having people to talk through things with and who support you really makes all the difference.

On not writing and figuring out where I am.

I haven't felt like myself lately. Rather, it feels as if I'm simply stumbling through life and waiting for something to happen. I wish I could say it was due to severe allergies and the constant mental fog I find myself in, but if I'm honest with myself, I'm lost.

There's a saying (I don't know who said it exactly) that in order to find yourself you need to lose yourself. Only then can you start picking out the pieces that make you you and get rid of everything else. Stripping it down to the bare essentials basically.

But if you ever met me in person or went to school with me, you know I'm a type-A planner. I cross my t's, dot my i's. I follow the rules. I like order. I make copious amounts of lists: to-do's, groceries, shopping, packing, goals, and even life maps. Yes. Life maps.

The picture below is from a life map I drew in my journal dated March 2013.

If I were to strip myself down to be the bare essentials: I'm a girl who just wants to write books for a living. Not just any books. YA. This was true in 2013, and this is still true today. The only difference between me in 2013 and me in 2017? I'm not writing.

I know what you're thinking, How can you say you want to be a YA writer when you aren't even writing?

Well, let me introduce you again to me, a type A planner, who currently feels as if she's undergoing a failed plan. Someone once told me that success is really failing a lot. Just fail better each time, learn from your mistakes, and keep at it until you don't fail. Sounds simple, right? Except, it's not simple. There's a lot of pain and heartbreak in failure. There's fatigue, self-doubt, and countless moments where I want to give up because I don't want to get hurt anymore. Moments where I can't deal with the disappointment, where I feel like I'm so jaded. Moments when I don't think I'm good enough to be deserving of my dreams. These moments add up, they become crippling, until suddenly, I can't write anymore.

I told myself that I just needed a break. I just needed some rest, and then I'd get back to it. Every time I tried to though, I would be overcome with anxiety. My throat would tighten, my chest would go still, my stomach would cramp, and then I'd just walk away from computer, the notebooks, and pens.

I'd distract myself with other things, crossing off items on the more manageable to-do lists and have a few too many glasses of wine, but in the end, I always returned to this feeling of unease and displacement. This unhappiness. So I started thinking about what other things I could do with my life (which let's face it, is me just making up a list of escape routes). No matter what I came up with though, none of the options held any passion or inspiration for me to follow it through.

So what do I do now?

I asked myself this question over and over. I talked about it in-depth with my husband. I told him how this was not where I imagined myself when it came to following my dreams. I told him how I felt like I was back at square one, that I felt as if I was going backwards instead of forward. After I ranted, he told me that people think of their life, goals, or plans as a trajectory. That there's this arc that'll propel them to where they want to go, but that's not true. There's just these different planes that they find themselves in. They don't necessarily go forward or backward, there's just this sense of 'place', or in my case, 'displacement'. What I'm going through and what I'm feeling now is just a plane. And sooner or later I'll be on another.

For some reason what he said really stuck with me. I look again at my life map from my 2013 self and wonder if I'd already known this, because this life map isn't linear. There's no trajectory. It's just all over the place with turns and twists, but it's also cyclic. There's also some parts that don't even involve writing at all. There's travel, there's 'sustain a comfortable life', and even just having job. 

I'd always known going after my dream wasn't a one way road. I may have a destination in mind, but I was bound to get lost. And when I do, the only thing I can do is figure out where I am and how to get myself into the driver's seat.

To be honest though, sometimes it feels like I'm going nowhere. Sometimes I feel like the road is endless. Sometimes I get so sick of driving that I need to pull over and stretch my legs. Or maybe I just need to abandon the car for a bit and hitch hike somewhere else for a different kind of adventure. Whatever happens though, I know who I am and what I want to do. I have an unshakeable dream for a reason, so I know I'll find myself back at the computer, typing away eventually.

So there's no point in freaking myself out, forcing myself to write, making myself anxious about it, or feeling like a failure. I just need to accept that I'm on a different plane right now, going through the motions, and that's okay. Sometimes the best thing I can do for my writing is to not write at all. 

At least for a little while.

Why I've given up on pantsing.

The 'pantsing versus plotting' debate. I've finally decided to weigh in on this issue.

Three years ago, I considered myself a pantser. Typically, I'd get a general idea or spark for a story and dive into it blindly with awe, emotion, and a tiny outline that I followed like breadcrumbs, eager to find out what awaited me at the end. And though this method seemed to work for certain manuscripts, I quickly realized it wouldn't for all.

Certain manuscripts that hold an irresistible charm can handle this breadcrumb method, but these, I noticed, are the kind of stories that have been stewing inside you for a while. You've thought about it constantly for years, you know the characters, you've imagined the plot from start to finish so many times it's like the lyrics to your favorite song. By all means, pants this story because you already know it by heart.

Those kind of stories are special. Like truly special. They write themselves practically. But what about the ones that don't? You know, the ones that give you a feeling you can't quite describe? Yet the call of it is like a siren's and somehow you've been sucked into it, but you don't know what 'it' is?

As a pantser, you could dive into the draft and explore the idea, but you risk writing in circles and a first draft that's painful to untangle.

As a plotter, you can brainstorm and plan to your heart's content, but you risk losing that special feeling by burn out.

There's a ton more pros and cons that you can find on any blogger's website, but in this post, I'll share my personal experience.

Last spring, I got this strange idea in a car, and a character's voice in my ear soon after, almost demanding me to write her story. She sounded troubled, misunderstood, and complicated. I was drawn to her darkness, her pain, and what this could be. I never really questioned her character, all I knew was I needed to get her down before she decided to be someone else's obnoxious muse.

I know I'm probably coming off as a crazy person, but I pantsed the heck out of it. I drafted up a story for her pretty quickly, but when I read it, it was awful. Like truly awful. Sure all first drafts are a mess, but there wasn't anything remotely usable in it. But the idea, the vibe, the girl, ate away at me. I still liked the concept. I just didn't like the way I handled it.

Alright, so I roll up my sleeves and decide to tackle it again, pantsing a second draft with a lot of the changes I had in mind. Granted it was still awful when I finished, but there was still something there that I liked. But was it even usable? At this point I was too attached to the character, but also frustrated with her. Just tell me what your story is damn it!!! Ugh. Cue my pit of despair, and my amazing CP's coming to the rescue by giving me honest feedback.

There was so much wrong with it. But there was also something interesting that still held me tight.

They told me not to give up on this, so I didn't. I sat my butt in my chair and really thought about they said, and then I started planning. Like excessive planning. Excel spreadsheets, spiral notebooks. Time lines. Writing exercises. Pinterest boards. Everything. Seeing all the pieces of the story in piece meal finally allowed me to connect the dots in a way drafting from straight to finish did not. It was like puzzle pieces dumped in front of me where I could inspect the edges and see where they fit instead of laying the pieces one after the other in a row that made a straight line but lacked an image. 

This was my light bulb moment where I said to myself, Never again will I be a pantser.

With all these new tools and plans, I wrote my third draft much more efficiently and with less head banging. Sure, it's not perfect and it still has so far to go, but it's finally workable, reviseable (that's not a word, is it?), and much more enjoyable to work with.

I understand plotting isn't for everyone, but after the headache inducing drafts I went through, I'm convinced that pantsing isn't the way for me.

To address the risks that I mentioned above, if you pants you could end up like I did, writing in painful circles. But to the plotting risk of burning out, I'm starting to see that if a story is worth writing and sharing, you won't burn out. It's like an evocative smelling candle. Sure the wick may blow out once and awhile from the wind (or fatigue, in this case), but you know you'll just end up lighting it again because its scent is too hard to miss.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the debate. Comment below with yours!

 

Paralyzed by fear.

It's been almost 4 months since I posted on my blog. It's also been four months since I took a lot of old posts down. At times, it feels like 2016 didn't even happen on my blog. I can give you many reasons on why I've disappeared: stress from planning a wedding, learning a new job, the holidays, writing something new, etc. And though those are legitimate reasons for taking a hiatus from my blog, it's not entirely true.

The truth is, I've been afraid. My life kept getting busier and busier, and I was afraid that I'd never be able to write anything of quality again. They say that comparison is the thief of happiness, and I found myself doing that a lot. While everyone seemed to be headed somewhere, I felt like I was in the same place, but with a different scenery.

When I confided in others about this fear, they all told me to slow down, take a deep breath, and then they would offer me the same excuses I gave myself. "Relax, you have a wedding to plan. That's a lot of pressure. You just started a new job, it takes a while to learn it and feel comfortable. You've written three drafts in this year alone. You've accomplished a lot."

But I didn't feel like I had. Though I was getting things scratched off my checklist, I found myself getting farther from my own personal goals and from myself. It's as if I went on auto-pilot to get things done, instead of paying attention to the things that mattered.

All of a sudden, I stopped blogging, stopped journaling, took a break from writing--things that I loved. Why was I doing that? This was the time where I needed it the most.

Because I was afraid.

I was afraid of blogging about all of this, because I didn't feel like it was important. To me or to readers. And also, I was afraid of what people would think of me.

I was afraid of journaling, because I didn't want to waste time when I could be getting things done on my checklist. Even though I know now, that journaling is never a waste of time.

I was afraid of writing, because I'd lost my voice. I didn't know what I wanted to say in my stories, and because of that, my stories suffered for it as I wrote myself into frustrating circles.

I was paralyzed by my own fear. 

Instead of facing this problem, I dusted it under the rug and let everything else, the wedding, work, etc, become my priority. But I was never happy doing only that because I felt stuck. At a standstill. Trapped.

Once the wedding was over, once I got over the learning curve of the new job and things started to slow down, I was faced with all these fears I had ignored.

A good CP of mine told me that sometimes fear can be a good thing. It let's us know that we're doing something worthwhile because we care. Instead of letting fear be a road block to where we want to go, we should climb over fear, and let it elevate our potential and our stories.

Once I embraced fear for what it was, I was able to look past it and see a solution. It took me a long while, but it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was as if I'd finally found the power-off button on the auto-pilot suit I was wearing and was able to step back into me.

So, the point of this post? Don't be afraid of your own fear. This doesn't apply to just writing, but life in general. Face your fears, and then do something about it. It's better than doing nothing at all.

What happens when you don't get into PitchWars and what happens when you do?

To all you PitchWars hopefuls, I'm sure this question has crossed your mind, especially now since the Mentee announcements are on the horizon! So let me give you an answer, because I've been on both sides :)

Before I get into it, I should mention that my answer is based on my own experience. Ask another mentee and their answer could be different. But here's my perspective. I hope it gives you some insight and motivation to keep writing.

When you don't get in...

In 2014, I applied to PitchWars for the first time with a fully revised manuscript (M1). I spent about a year on it going through multiple drafts and making it the best it could be. I connected with other hopefuls on twitter, submitted my entry, stalked the mentors (hoping they were talking about my awesome manuscript), and waited and waited for the announcement to finally come.

Once it did, I did 'ctrl+F' for my name. Nothing came up. I read the list from beginning to end, the rejection slowly sinking in. This feeling of disappointment and not feeling like you're good enough, the doubts, they hit me all at once. I congratulated the other hopefuls who did make it, but then I kind of disappeared from Twitter (granted, I never really did use twitter much anyway back then, so NBD).

But I still felt my MS was ready, and PitchWars pushed me to prepare my materials for querying, so I did.

More rejections resulted, until I finally came to the realization that this MS was not the one. So I shelved it and started another MS. We'll call it M2. I worked on it all fall and winter, but something was lacking in the story, so I quit halfway through. It took a vacation and a new perspective for me to sit down and try again. I started M3 at the end of April and drafted it in six weeks, quickly revised based on my CP's comments, and entered it into PitchWars. This time, I got in (more on that below), but I probably wouldn't have if I didn't keep writing.

So what do you do when you don't get into PitchWars?

You keep writing, pursuing your passion, and continuing to improve your craft. In a span of one year, continuously writing, reading, and learning from others, my writing improved so much and it showed in the manuscript that got me in.

One thing I will critique myself on is the fact that I left twitter. Twitter is a great place to meet other writers and to just connect with people who are passionate about writing, reading, and books in general. Find your CP's, your betas, your tribe. This creative path we've chosen to pursue is an arduous one, but it'll be so much better when you have someone alongside you, who gets what you're doing, and understands what you're going through.

So write, write, write. Connect, connect, connect. Read, read, read. Learn, learn, learn. Got it?

And when it comes to rejection, know that it is part of the process. Rejections may hurt, but they're also a testament to your hard work. You're doing, you're trying, and you're putting yourself (and your work) out there. If you keep at it, you'll eventually get to that 'yes' you've been working toward.

When you do get in...

In 2015, my name was on the mentee list. I was shocked. I cried. I forgot to make dinner. I celebrated. It was amazing. I got my edit letter from my mentor, and then came a lot of hard work.

You write, write, write. Revise, revise, revise. Read, read, read. Connect, connect, connect with your fellow mentees. And you learn, learn, learn from your mentor. In some ways, getting in is similar to not getting in; both involve persistence, growth, and working your butt off.

Except instead of querying right away, you have the agent round first, and then you start querying.

Then come requests, maybe an offer of rep, but also rejections.

No matter where that manuscript that got you into PitchWars leads you, know that it's never over. You'll still have to write another manuscript, you'll still have to work on your craft. You'll still have to create, revise, and edit. Because that's what writers do. We write. Whether you get into PitchWars (or any other writing contest for that matter). This goes without saying even if you aren't/are agented/have a book deal.

I will say that PitchWars is a pretty amazing opportunity, so if you do get it in, cherish the experience, work hard, and give it all you got. But if you don't get the opportunity, do not be dismayed. One contest is not the end of the road for you. We all take different paths to get to our dreams. So whatever happens, you are awesome. You wrote a manuscript, you had the guts to try, and you'll continue to write because you love it, because it's part of you. Take heart, and persevere. 

<3, Michelle