Reason #2: I will remember this moment.

My nerves consume me. 1-2-3-4-5-6. Breathe. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. My heart is trying to get out of my chest.

That moment on stage. The flood of lights. The music vibrating against your skin.

It means so much more, knowing you have people that care about you in the audience. A person's presence, by simply being there, swells my heart with joy.

I feel happiness.
I feel loved.
I feel as if I matter.

That's a good feeling.

----

 Between the earth and sky,
Oh, I wish to hide.
But love has bounded me
despite my intense desires.
To make the world I want;
set it all in beauty's fire.
Passion and rage,
til my last day.
No one can take this moment away.
Dance until I am free,
sleep until I can dream,
write until my story ends.
My own perspective,
my personal lens.

----

Cry. 45 dollar drive for an escape. Why don't you love me? Driving til the sunrises. Where is my father? Drive. Come back.

#3 Blaire (100 Word Short Story)


Blaire stared out the window, dying to break free from the confines of his home.  He glanced at his owner and wondered how she could possibly sit at her desk for hours, staring at her computer screen. He sauntered over to her seeking comfort. She scratched his chin lightly, that he could not help but purr. After a while she seemed to get tired and stopped. Blaire went back to the window and began pawing at it, even though he knew it would not budge. He glanced back at her, filled with sadness that she could not understand.

Reason #1: People

I'm writing this in a rush, but I've been contemplating this idea for the last two days so I want to make sure I write it down.

Life seems to be pulling me at different directions. My pessimistic views of the world and humanity are clashing with the exciting upcoming events that make me optimistic about life. In addition to that, I'm surrounded by change and many friends who are at a cross road in their lives. Contemplations of death and the life ahead have consumed us all as I see some of my friends completely stuck, at a standstill, with an unclear direction of what to do next.

To the point: Life sucks, but damn is it also beautiful. Therefore, I've created this segment, "Reasons to Live" as a reminder of the beautiful things that make life worth living despite the dark times that are inevitable.

So reason number 1? People. I think of each individual person as a book with their own interesting stories to tell. Listening to stories and sharing our own, I believe, creates the best friendships, relationships, and etc.

So to the interesting people in my life, thank you for sharing your stories with me. Confiding in me is one of the best gifts you can ever give me. And, if I shared my stories with you, then consider yourself special :]

You only get one life, so write the best damn story you can, and LIVE to the fullest.
 

Messy Life

A friend of mine asked me today if I missed being in a relationship. I answered yes and no. I miss the good things like having someone be there, falling asleep to their heartbeat, and being loved by them; but I don't miss the bad: the fighting, jealousy, and the pressure. Sometimes I feel lonely, and at other times at ease without having to care for another, but at the end of the day I'm indecisive.

Have I felt love in any of my relationships? I've said "I love you" to three different guys, but I think I only meant it once. Yet, that one time I allowed myself to love someone led to my own destruction; and  at times I feel like I never recovered from it. Where do I go from there? The question burns in my mind, but I push it away.

It's the weekend.
4/20 and picnic day.
Just wanna live in the moment.

Hung out with friends I met last summer, smoked. It's been awhile. Go the party. Take a shot. Smile. Meet new people, good conversation. Take another shot. Talk some more. Hug people I haven't seen for awhile. Take another shot. I'm feeling the music. I want to dance, but no one's dancing. I dance anyway. Other people dance too. Shot. Feeling good. Time for BP. Win two games, and too tired to play another one. Drink water, and more water. Good conversation. Dance. Talk and catch up. Walk home around three a.m. Sleep.

Wake up. Dance practice. Off to picnic day. The bus is too crowded. The motion of the bus makes me lose my balance, so I hold on to him.Walk. Take a drink. Walk. Take a drink. Exhibits, dogs, people watching. Michelle is a common name. At least you didn't call me Jessica. Take a rest under the shade. Talk and laugh. Go to the pool and talk. Good conversations about the fallacies of marriage, love, and interesting people. I smile. Ice cream. Say goodbyes. Nap. Go back home.

Get a text message with sad news. Life is fragile. The mental state is fragile. I use to be there at one point, now I'm seeing someone else go down that wrong path, and I don't know what to do.

Now I'm sitting here, when I should go to bed. Dress shopping in SF tomorrow morning for the soon-to-be bride. But I'm awake, thinking how life is so messy. Thinking of people I do and do not know. Thinking how quickly the present becomes the past.

Do I miss being in a relationship? The answer doesn't really matter. Life is messy. If love come my way, so be it, and may it be a wonderful adventure. If it never comes, I'll be fine. Life is messy, but it's filled with the most interesting people. You guys make me smile, new and old friends. You guys make it all okay. Watching the stars together, talking about everything, walking without a direction. It's gonna be alright.

Life may be messy, but one should never throw it away.

#2 Childish Love (100 Word Short Story)


When Allie was a little girl, she told her mother that one day she wanted to marry Alex. Her mother said it was not possible, since they were brother and sister. Growing up, Allie’s feelings never faded away, although she tried to repress them. Alex began to date, but Allie kept hoping that maybe one day he would see her differently. Time passed and she waited. The day of Alex’s wedding, Allie wore a bridesmaid dress. As he kissed his new wife, tears streamed down Allie’s face, realizing that her love for her brother was to be replaced by heartache.
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