Jesse put the last of Amanda’s things in a box and set it
outside of his apartment door for her to pick up. He thought of all of his ex
girlfriends and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t commit to any of them. Well, there was one girl, but he had messed it
up. He was young and afraid of commitment then, but not now, he thought. He
wanted to call her, just to hear her voice again, but his phone blinked with a
voicemail. “Hey Jesse, it’s Elise’s mother. I wanted to let you know, that
Elise has passed away…”
Spriiiiiiiiiiiiing
Spring quarter begins! My poetry workshop begins tomorrow. Hopefully this spring quarter blesses me with creativity. Be prepared for more poems to come! I shall set aside fiction for these eleven weeks. However, once summer begins I'll start working on my fiction manuscripts for my Grad applications!
Suggested reading: A Song Of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin
I think this series will fill the gaping hole in my chest after Harry Potter ended for me.
Suggested reading: A Song Of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin
I think this series will fill the gaping hole in my chest after Harry Potter ended for me.
Journals
This week has been crazy filled with ups and downs, and the best and worst moments of my life.
Funny enough, last weekend I went through all my old journals that documented my college years. I can't believe how much I've grown and learned and I can't believe I let myself get that far. That dark time of my life I can't quite remember because I choose not to. Reading all of the entries I remembered... and I must say I forgive, but I will never again forget. Never will I allow others to harm me or my mental state. I will not allow people to enter my life who do not genuinely care, because my life only has space for the people who matter, the people I love. And no one will take advantage of my love ever again.
So here's to my ongoing life of ups and downs, and the best and worst moments of my life, that will be shared with the amazing people in my life.
Edit your life. Cut the bad, and keep all the things that are good :]
-Miss M
Funny enough, last weekend I went through all my old journals that documented my college years. I can't believe how much I've grown and learned and I can't believe I let myself get that far. That dark time of my life I can't quite remember because I choose not to. Reading all of the entries I remembered... and I must say I forgive, but I will never again forget. Never will I allow others to harm me or my mental state. I will not allow people to enter my life who do not genuinely care, because my life only has space for the people who matter, the people I love. And no one will take advantage of my love ever again.
So here's to my ongoing life of ups and downs, and the best and worst moments of my life, that will be shared with the amazing people in my life.
Edit your life. Cut the bad, and keep all the things that are good :]
-Miss M
The Beauty's Perspective
Prologue
I held the picture tightly in my hands, contemplating whether or not to tear it up or burn it. I couldn't take in the fact that the past seemed so perfect in my eyes. I knew better now. This temporary happiness was a lie.
My mother sits in the center behind her birthday cake lit with fifty candles. My sister Michelle is on her left side. Her boyfriend of five years at the time, Ethan, stands behind her with his hand affectionately placed on her shoulder. She places her left hand on his, her engagement ring sparkling in the still photograph. I'm on my mother's right side. Taylor, my first love of four years wraps his arms around me. We all smile and we all seem happy.
I carefully tear the photograph in half, taking both Ethan and Taylor out of the picture and leaving my mom, Michelle, and I intact.
I held the picture tightly in my hands, contemplating whether or not to tear it up or burn it. I couldn't take in the fact that the past seemed so perfect in my eyes. I knew better now. This temporary happiness was a lie.
My mother sits in the center behind her birthday cake lit with fifty candles. My sister Michelle is on her left side. Her boyfriend of five years at the time, Ethan, stands behind her with his hand affectionately placed on her shoulder. She places her left hand on his, her engagement ring sparkling in the still photograph. I'm on my mother's right side. Taylor, my first love of four years wraps his arms around me. We all smile and we all seem happy.
I carefully tear the photograph in half, taking both Ethan and Taylor out of the picture and leaving my mom, Michelle, and I intact.
To Kiss To Love To Kill
The alcohol upon
my lips,
a teasing
promise for what I hope to forget.
You undress me
with your eyes.
Wanting me fully
exposed.
and with that I
try to hide,
but it was I you
chose.
You brush my
skin, with the want to feel within.
I shut my eyes
tight, losing the last ray of light.
You grasp my
hair,
and my heart you
begin to tear.
My body begins
to burn,
it's pain I
quickly learn.
I bite my
tongue,
tasting the
blood.
Past becomes
present, and images begin to flood.
Reckless.
Helpless. Shameless.
I lay there dead
but awake,
with my spirit
you simply take.
Your hands
wrapped around my throat,
losing air I
begin to float.
Muffled sounds
in my ear.
Too scared to
show any fear.
I smile wide
with a wicked grin,
dawning on me
that it's about to begin.
Shards of glass
begin to rain.
The darkness
consumes us whole.
My skin, your
teeth... insane.
No sight, no
window, no soul.
My scream
beckons you.
A ghost with a
whisper to the wind.
A permanent
purgatory.
Because I have
sinned.
Your hands laced
in mine,
with a cold
knife on my neck.
Telling me
sweetly
that it'll only
hurt for a sec.
My eyes begin to
glaze,
I refuse to cry
at the moment.
I force myself
into a daze.
To a time of
contentment:
He holds me
gently,
a soft kiss on
my cheek.
My heart beat
quickens,
my knees go
weak.
A purple flower
he lays in my hand.
A blissful
memory
with our feet
tucked into the sand.
He looks into my
eyes,
with a feeling
of love;
like I was an
answered prayer,
sent from above.
His arms hold me
into his chest,
like we are one,
and I better
than the rest.
Yes, he chose
me.
To kiss, to
love, to kill.
And I am forever
at his will.
He is all I see.
His sunset eyes
and sunrise voice,
and now he makes
his choice...
Presses the
blade,
quick and cold.
This is the last
time
he has to hold;
hold me alive
before my last
breathe.
Loving you, even
in death.
My struggle for
the last bit of
air.
You don't hide
your disgust,
nor do you care.
My heartbeat
ceases to exist,
and I have
become lifeless.
I open my eyes
and see your name.
I trace it with
my finger upon your grave.
My eyes begin to
blur knowing that I cannot be saved.
a trail of wet
fire blazes down my face.
I have no saving
grace.
For I am dead
among the living.,
and you have
moved on taking all the winnings.
It is then I
allow myself to cry.
Bracing myself
on my way to die.
Alcohol bittersweet
on my lips.
Your hands hug
her on her hips.
I walk out the
door into the night,
deciding that I
lost my will to fight.
A ghost
wandering in the streets,
with not even
one single heart beat.
And I see it in
my minds eye,
you kiss her and
feel like you can fly.
an old feeling
you felt when I was alive.
But I've faded
into the black with saying no goodbyes.
"Exist"
Forever I will be broken.
Never to be fixed.
The words I love you were spoken,
just a bit too quick.
You see, it’s been a while
since I’ve heard those three words,
and I can feel myself shy away.
The truth is
I’m afraid of getting hurt,
even though I pretend to be okay.
Time and experience,
has changed me,
and I wonder if love exists.
then you came along,
and afraid of how I feel,
I begin to resist.
Because I’ve built up these walls,
to protect me from it all.
and If I tear them down,
surely I would fall.
Back into a lapse of time,
when everything was pitch black.
and so a promise I made to myself,
was to never go back
However, I am too selfish
and I want you by my side.
Although I don’t want you to think,
that I’m just here along for the ride.
For my feelings are sincere,
with only good intentions.
My heart is beating loud,
And for you it beckons.
So I don’t want to let you go,
because you will surely be missed.
I just want you to take my hand in yours,
and tell me that love can exist.
"Blossom"
So unsure, so unclear.
All the things in my mind I fear.
Take a deep breath and let it out,
when all I want to do is cry, scream, and shout.
Only my own hands to hold,
as I shiver in the icy cold;
surrounded by a fog of confusion,
I question my sanity, was it all an allusion?
My hair you wrap around your fingers
as your last kiss upon me lingers..
It was all unintentional pain.
Unknowing that love is simply a game.
I bite my tongue,
knowing that it can’t be undone.
My mind slowly collapses,
as I fall into another relapse.
My body fails to keep me standing
as I picture you reprimanding,
my faults, cracks, and imperfections
I stumble into life’s intersections.
I try my best not to cry,
as my thoughts circle around why.
Unending questions, with no answers,
infecting me like an incurable cancer.
And slowly I will finally succumb,
Never with the chance to blossom.