"My Cares of Vain Worth"

I used to determine my worth by pounds
and only on an inverse scale.
I counted this and that and ran and ran
but only to hopelessly fail.
I should have been smarter
and dismissed outward beauty,
but all I could think was
how do they really see me?

It is vain, I know, to care
of others' thoughts--
physically nothing
in the mind they get lost.
But once they are spoken
behind open and closed doors
they unearth pain
never know, nor felt before.

If only we were nicer,
I wouldn't have to care
about my nails, clothes,
and most of all, my hair.
So we  put on different looks
hoping to find one that works,
that takes away our doubts
and the thoughts of others that lurk
behind their plastered smiles
and their forced pleasantries
if only I could wipe it off
and be comfortable in me.