Summer's End

Forgive me faithful followers! I didn't mean to leave you all hanging! Rest assured, I am still alive!

The past few weeks have been crazy, but ultimately life changing. How do I even begin to explain it?

All I know is, it happened in Paris. I'm in awe of that city and what it did to me. I stood beneath the iconic Eiffel Tower and was just awestruck. I couldn't believe I was there, and I still have a hard time believing I was there. Was it an epiphany I had? I'm not sure. But for the first time, I felt truly and blissfully happy. Sitting in cafes, walking along the Seine, and drinking wine; doing simple things that felt so magical. For the first time, I stopped planning and over thinking everything. I finally lived and enjoyed the moment.

Being home after that, I realized home isn't where I wanted to be anymore. I wanted to be out in the world. I wanted to explore. I wanted to write.

I need to get out. It may only be a quarter earlier, but that's better than the whole year.

I can't wait to see where I go next.

Inkling of Solace

French phrases drift into the wind,
dancing in the summer days.
But just like history,
it quickly fades away;
into the recesses of our minds
stored in our fragile designs;
as we cling to romantic dreams
that circumstance and society deems:

unrealistic and unfeasible,
that hope might as well be unbelievable...

So lifeless when living
and dead when awake,
One step turns into another
until it's the jump I take.
Into the black abyss,
without a saving grace.
Struck raw and white
by an unfamiliar place.

I'm asking to be unseen,
from all the disapproving eyes,
filled to its brim,
with uncompromising lies.
Because veracity is a fallacy
and love an unfulfilled desire,
utterances of a few words
are all that they require.

The fairy tales have burned.
Ashes scattered across the sea.
The soot smeared on my cheek,
a small shade of my identity.
Like tears of ink upon paper,
bounded and abandoned into books,
never read nor ever heard
yet always seemingly overlooked.

A disastrous beauty
and broken melody,
torn at its very strings.
The harps without angels
and angels without wings
are songs without words,
that no one will ever sing.
Because the shackles
are what holds us down,
and the keys were never made.
Yet we are ALL to blame,
but no one is ashamed?
Are we blind to it all?
Grasping in the dark?
Our bruises go unnoticed,
along with our scars and other marks;
that tally up all of our days
of precious, yet wasted time.
As Paris becomes tarnished,
and London covered in grime.
Rome is overtaken by rust,
leaving Greece to be abraded.
Is it truly inevitable?
All of its art, to be faded?
Replaced by bias ideals
in a world we consider real?

No! Take me out if you must.
But don't murder my perceptions,
with your fabricated photos,
I'd rather keep my imperfections.
Sorry if I'm not what you wanted,
my apologies, I cannot conform.
Your efforts will be wasted,
and a part of me forlorn...

Because I'm outside looking in,
deciphering means that are within.
as the black abyss grows hazy
and I'm trapped inside my head.
But my eyes are wide open,
my thoughts are just unsaid.
But soon the morning dew will come
I fear, to conquer then to weep.
For I never stood a chance
a blade of grass fated for sleep.


*Sequel to my poem "Victim of Infinite Sleep"
**Dedicated to Blake


The Editing Phase

This whole summer I tried to produce this short story to use for my workshop application and grad application, but the idea I had in my head spiraled out of control. It jumped from one thing to another, twisted itself, and then grew into its own.

It's weird how the creative process works. As the writer of the story, I think I'm in control, but I'm not not. The characters seem to create themselves and make their own identity. The story unfolds the way it wants to, and every time I try to have a say in it, they respond by giving me writer's block or what I want to convey just turns out awkward and ends up being deleted.

Now I know what Professor Glazner meant about letting the story unfold for itself. You just have to go with it and let it flow. At the same time, there should be some structure, but not to the extent that it'll hinder creativity.

Now that my draft is done, I'm gonna take a week break from it before I get into editing. Fingers crossed that my end product is just how I hoped it would be.

But for now. GRE's take priority this week.

Wish me luck.

-Miss M

Book Recommendation: Mindless Eating

When I pick up a book that hooks me until I'm determined to finish it before doing anything else, that's when I know I have a good book on my hands.

I have to say I'm pretty food conscious, but at the same time I'm an emotional eater with a large sweet tooth. I love baking, which is also a great danger to my waistline, but on the other hand I workout and work at a gym. It seems like I'm a walking contradiction when it comes to my health and fitness lifestyle.

Of course, I'm hoping to trim a few inches and to drop a few pounds, but it seems like I always set myself up for disaster. Maybe my love for food simply outweighs my love for working out. Nonetheless, I thought maybe if I got a diet book, it would motivate me to better my own nutrition so that my workouts would pay off. But as I'm browsing the diet books, none of them seem fun, and to be frank, pretty darn tedious. However, I did stumble upon this book.



It was pretty interesting because it focused on the psychological aspects of eating and how different marketing strategies cause us to mindlessly eat, and being backed up by research definitely made me able to see the truth in the author's message. It was definitely not a diet book that I was looking for, but it was definitely a better choice.

I'm not writing this as a review, because I think the back cover with quotes from reviewers covers everything I'd like to say.



This post is merely a recommendation. If you want to read something interesting, educational, and possibly mind-changing, pick this up. It's such a quick read that I finished it in less than a day.

Choosing Happiness.

Those who know me well, know that I'm a complete worry wort. I constantly worry about everything. And the one thing I obsess over is the future to the extent that I wonder if I'm living in the present at all. Because with all the constant worrying I do, it seems like I'm living in my head. This black abyss of mental space that does nothing, but mentally and physically drains me.

Being the youngest of five daughters, I am in the position where I am able to learn from my sister's mistakes. Out of my four older sisters, it seems as though only one is happy with her job/career. Even though the others are financial well off, it doesn't do much to compensate for their lack of happiness. Not only that, I've realized that the more money you have and the more you invest in material things (that you believe will make you happy) simply accumulates and causes more distress. An example of this would be a house or a new car. You think you'll be happy having things thing to call your own, yet it just gives more financial stress to keep and maintain them. Thus, the material things become shackles or reasons that you use to justify to stay in a job or situation that you don't like.

And so, my sisters tell me often that I am so young, there's no need for me to immerse myself into a career right away. They tell me to do things that will make me happy so that when I reach their age, I won't have any regrets. For this, I am truly thankful. They are urging me to choose happiness. They support my dreams, even when I lack the confidence to pursue them.

So in response, I want to say to them and to everyone else who's finding themselves in an unhappy situation: it's never too late to chase after your dreams, it's never too late to be happy. Choose happiness, because what is life without it? A life that hasn't been lived. Don't waste anymore time being unhappy because we never really know how much time we have on Earth, so might as well choose to spend the time you do have on something worthwhile, something that you're truly passionate about.

Thus, take off the shackles of material things (since they really aren't a source of happiness), forget the notions of practicality and what society expects of you, and start doing/being "you".

It'll be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but choose happiness. Free fall into life. The journey and struggles will be worth it in the end.
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