To Kiss To Love To Kill

The alcohol upon my lips,

a teasing promise for what I hope to forget.

You undress me with your eyes.

Wanting me fully exposed.

and with that I try to hide,

but it was I you chose. 

You brush my skin, with the want to feel within.

I shut my eyes tight, losing the last ray of light.

You grasp my hair,

and my heart you begin to tear.

My body begins to burn,

it's pain I quickly learn.

I bite my tongue,

tasting the blood.

Past becomes present, and images begin to flood.

Reckless. Helpless. Shameless.

I lay there dead but awake,

with my spirit you simply take.

Your hands wrapped around my throat,

losing air I begin to float.

Muffled sounds in my ear.

Too scared to show any fear.

I smile wide with a wicked grin,

dawning on me that it's about to begin.

Shards of glass begin to rain.

The darkness consumes us whole.

My skin, your teeth... insane.

No sight, no window, no soul.

My scream beckons you.

A ghost with a whisper to the wind.

A permanent purgatory.

Because I have sinned.

Your hands laced in mine,

with a cold knife on my neck.

Telling me sweetly

that it'll only hurt for a sec.

My eyes begin to glaze,

I refuse to cry at the moment.

I force myself into a daze.

To a time of contentment:

He holds me gently,

a soft kiss on my cheek.

My heart beat quickens,

my knees go weak.

A purple flower

he lays in my hand.

A blissful memory

with our feet tucked into the sand.

He looks into my eyes,

with a feeling of love;

like I was an answered prayer,

sent from above.

His arms hold me

into his chest,

like we are one,

and I better than the rest.

Yes, he chose me.

To kiss, to love, to kill.

And I am forever at his will.

He is all I see.

His sunset eyes and sunrise voice,

and now he makes his choice...

Presses the blade,

quick and cold.

This is the last time

he has to hold;

hold me alive

before my last breathe.

Loving you, even in death.

My struggle for

the last bit of air.

You don't hide your disgust,

nor do you care.

My heartbeat ceases to exist,

and I have become lifeless.

I open my eyes and see your name.

I trace it with my finger upon your grave.

My eyes begin to blur knowing that I cannot be saved.

a trail of wet fire blazes down my face.

I have no saving grace.

For I am dead among the living.,

and you have moved on taking all the winnings.

It is then I allow myself to cry.

Bracing myself on my way to die. 

Alcohol bittersweet on my lips.

Your hands hug her on her hips.

I walk out the door into the night,

deciding that I lost my will to fight.

A ghost wandering in the streets,

with not even one single heart beat.

And I see it in my minds eye,

you kiss her and feel like you can fly.

an old feeling you felt when I was alive.

But I've faded into the black with saying no goodbyes.

"Blossom"

So unsure, so unclear.

All the things in my mind I fear.

Take a deep breath and let it out,

when all I want to do is cry, scream, and shout.

Only my own hands to hold,

as I shiver in the icy cold;

surrounded by a fog of confusion,

I question my sanity, was it all an allusion? 

My hair you wrap around your fingers 

as your last kiss upon me lingers..

It was all unintentional pain.

Unknowing that love is simply a game.

I bite my tongue,

knowing that it can’t be undone.

My mind slowly collapses,

as I fall into another relapse.

My body fails to keep me standing

as I picture you reprimanding,

my faults, cracks, and imperfections

I stumble into life’s intersections.

I try my best not to cry,

as my thoughts circle around why.

Unending questions, with no answers,

infecting me like an incurable cancer.

And slowly I will finally succumb,

Never with the chance to blossom.

"Exist"

Forever I will be broken.

Never to be fixed.

The words I love you were spoken,

just a bit too quick. 

You see, it’s been a while

since I’ve heard those three words,

and I can feel myself shy away.

The truth is

I’m afraid of getting hurt,

even though I pretend to be okay.

Time and experience,

has changed me,

and I wonder if love exists.

then you came along,

and afraid of how I feel,

I begin to resist.

Because I’ve built up these walls,

to protect me from it all.

and If I tear them down,

surely I would fall. 

Back into a lapse of time,

when everything was pitch black.

and so a promise I made to myself,

was to never go back

However, I am too selfish

and I want you by my side.

Although I don’t want you to think,

that I’m just here along for the ride.

For my feelings are sincere,

with only good intentions.

My heart is beating loud,

And for you it beckons.

So I don’t want to let you go,

because you will surely be missed.

I just want you to take my hand in yours,

and tell me that love can exist.

"Music Heals"

I breathe you in,

you let me out.

All will fade;

good-bye to self doubt.

Your sweet voice,

in my ear,

lets me know 

that hope is near.

Tears will fall,

but they always dry.

The truth comes out.

No more lies.

"Sleep"

So afraid to sleep.

My nightmares are on repeat.

I fear I may never wake,

and my soul they will easily take.

A prisoner of my own mind,

A prisoner of my own design.

Losing all of my control,

As my skin is paralyzed with cold.

My voice is small

As I attempt to crawl,

To escape the green fire

burning the floor

By searching blindly

for a non-existent door.

I feel them watching me,

With their depthless eyes.

There is nothing I can do.

There is nowhere for me to hide.

Is my only option to succumb?

My eyes go weak and my body numb.

Completely lifeless.

I am my own creation.

I only blame myself,

For this dark imagination.

"Gone"

 I left you in the middle of the night

With tears running down my face

It would be our last night together,

but memories of you I wish never to replace.

The time we danced, and the time we kissed.

You knew from the beginning that I couldn’t resist.

And yet I walked away as you let me go.

and for my efforts I have nothing to show.

I know your decisions are never that easy.

And nothing you could do now would ever please me.

Because as distance begins to grow,

Feelings with time will eventually fade.

The past begins to feel like a dream,

Our future broken before it is ever made.

You’ll move on as I torment myself

with a million unending questions.

Even with all the love I have lost,

I have still yet to learn the life’s lessons.

For Me

I'm lost though I don't admit it.
In a beauty-less world.
I've gone astray without a map,
unprepared, caught up in a whirl.

A whirl of I hope to be adventures,
with numerous life lessons.
That I can pour it out with a pen,
filled with all my thoughts and confessions.

To find my own path,
my light in a darkened place.
To experience all there is to feel,
not having a moment to waste.

I want to fly as a bird,
and shine like the sky,
with streaks of colors,
going farther up than "high".

Until I touch a star,
and sprinkle its dust.
Make everything extraordinary;
I need to do this I must!

To feel as if I matter,
in life and in my heart,
if I am actually awake
making no finish to my start.

I wonder if I am seen,
through my invisible veil.
Of my concealed words,
that always seem to fail;

When I try to convey my thoughts,
into meanings that make sense,
but it never comes out clearly,
as if I'm scared and simply tense.

But bravery I will have,
and reach for my dreams.
Heal myself when hurt;
filling up the cracks and seams.

I want to be beautiful.
Like a freely dancing butterfly,
flirting with a field of flowers.
Never experiencing the urge to cry.

To have emptiness in my beliefs,
To have no grief or strife;
but that's only a fantasy,
that I won't find in life.

I need to break free,
of my enclosed glass box.
Getting away from time,
and the ticks of the clocks.

I'll run as far,
as my feet will take me.
Fall on my back,
and finally beauty I will see.

Beauty in my thoughts.
Beauty in my soul.
Beauty in the tears,
that I cannot control.

As wind comb my hair,
and light kisses my lips,
I'll know that if i am gone;
there is something I will miss.

The loveliness to feel,
The pleasure to smile.
The prettiness in things,
that make my life worthwhile.

Lost I may be,
Beauty lost from earth.
But I see the value,
of my own birth.

As I touch the hills,
and climb the mountains.
I'll stay here forever,
carved in stone as a fountain.

Pouring out my heart,
making my dreams come true.
Holding out my soul,
Just. For. You.